Tag Archives: Yoga

Why I practice yoga

23 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Gratitude, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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I’m in the middle of a move.  I’d love to be able to snap my fingers, twitch my nose, and be completely done with it.  But I’m not.  I spent yesterday going through things and deciding keep or throw away/donate.  I found in the back of my closet a flannel shirt that belonged to “M.”  There’s a part of me that’s held onto it for reasons like the scene from “Brokeback Mountain.”  After the death of Jack, Ennis keeps a jacket of his in a closet under one of his own shirts and pulls it out missing the man he loved.

I thought that was what I’d do as well.  But to be honest, I haven’t thought much about that shirt for a few years and definitely haven’t been pulling it out.  So I decided to throw it out.  And the waves of sadness, nostalgia, solitude, guilt, anger, and every other grief emotion came up.

I wasn’t sure I would have time to practice but I made time – because yesterday, I needed to get into my body and get back to feeling who I am.  When I got to pigeon on the right side, the tears began to flow.  My right hip is where I carry the strongest attachments to my ex and yesterday they wanted out.  So I let them out.  I cried.  And cried a bit more.  And then sat in silence.  After, I played – because there’s no better way for me to get to my spirit than to play on my hands.

I practice yoga because it continues to save me from myself, from my old patterns, and from those nemesis thoughts.  I practice because I want to stay in feeling and I want to feel from a place of authenticity.  I practice for me.  And there’s no better reason to practice.

Truth Speak – 02/03/17

03 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth, Yoga

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I’m pretty sure we all suffer from them.  And when they hit us, we feel blindsided.  They are our nemesis thoughts.  The asshole critic that lives in our own head.  That never shuts up.  My critic, my nemesis thoughts, get more aggressive, more ugly, more hateful when I ignore them.  They spiral out of control.  They break my spirit.  Dim my light.  I’m sick of them.

Today on my mat, in a practice that I thought would feel good in my body and wouldn’t bring up much of anything, a few of these thoughts came up.  I felt them hit my body full force.  I stopped my practice.  I wasted some time by drinking some tea.  I almost gave up.

But I didn’t.  In a very brief moment, the voice of Ana Forrest snuck in.  She saw me.  And she reminded me that I learned a long time ago that those thoughts are lies.  To jump on a popular hashtag, they are #alternativefacts.

In Forrest Yoga, we teach to an apex pose – it’s the pose in the sequence that we warm the body up for, work on opening and creating space for, and is the “most advanced” pose of class.  My apex today was staying on my mat.  That one brief respite when Ana very much spoke the exact opposite of my nemesis gave me the courage to say those words for myself.  I cried.  And I tried to not cry.  But I cried more.

My apex today was showing up for myself.  Because I’m worth it.  Because my students are worth it.  My teacher is worth it.  My friends/family are worth.  I will continue to show up.  I will have my moments where my nemesis thought is loud, abrasive, ugly.  But someone, in that moment, will sneak into my mind and remind me – the toughest work is often done with another.  And I am not alone.

***I film practices to take pictures from often; I take pictures throughout practice.  This picture is that moment when the thought landed.  When I thought I wasn’t worth ….

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Intention – December

05 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions

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The year of 2016 is coming to an end.  It’s been a year with some great moments and great memories.  This past year has offered up highs and lows, but I made it.  With less than 30 days to go, I’m ready for 2017.  But before I sing “so long, farewell” to 2016, there are a few loose ends.

This month’s intention, finally landing and making sense, is to learn who I am, grow into my spirit, and feel my way to where I want to next year.

Who am I?  Seems like a trick question, right??  But I’ve been through so much this year, I think it’s important for me to step back and to remember who I am at the beginning of the day.  I’m a yoga teacher.  A student of Forrest Yoga.  I’m a healer.  I’m a friend.  A brother.  A son.  I’ll always be a dragon but the fire of the phoenix is burning bright in me right now.  New year, new beginnings maybe.  I don’t know.  But I feel like it’s setting me up for something more.

My spirit wants attention – daily.  It’s like a greedy child but in the best possibly ways.  My spirit wants to play, to feel, to be let out and encouraged to fly.  I think the past few months of connecting to my spirit more deeply have set me up for the end of the year.  To actually without pause be with me.  And to enjoy it.

I don’t know what 2017 or the universe have in store.  But I do know a few things….I’m stronger now.  I look at myself more honestly.  I see others.  I feel others.  And I really hope for the best.  With the powers of crow flying around, I have a hunch 2017 will be a year of magick, of laughter, and of discovery.  I can’t wait.  More to come this month (I promise) but I cannot wait to step into the next year, give a quick side eye, and take off.  Who’s with me?

Intention, October ’16

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Mending the Hoop, Yoga

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It’s time for a new intention.  Well, not that I’m getting rid of the old ones.  That’s the fun thing about working with intents – we can add to them, allow them to evolve, or even re-use the same ones repeatedly.  I’ve been feeling the intention for this month churn inside me for a few weeks now.  With the new moon yesterday, new month today, and rainy weather here today, it feels like the right time to start.

Back story – I’ve been emotionally overwhelmed lately.  News of hate, violence, killings, beatings, etc. is really getting to me.  The level of disrespect is increasing at rates that we may have never felt before.  I’ve noticed my shoulders getting heavier with the weight of all things worldly and I’ve seen the same in bodies of students.  There have been definite moments I’ve wanted to retreat, to hide, to shield, and then to build my fortress.  I did that once.  And I’m still tearing down those walls, so I know that’s not really an option.

This month, I’m working with the word ‘connection.’  Each day, I’m going to go deeper connecting with my own spirit.  Using some lessons from Ana Forrest, I’m going to feed my spirit daily, to delight it, and to feel my own light grow brighter.  And each day, I’m going to connect to the spirit of anyone the universe leads across my path.  I’m going to see people as human.  Not a designer label, not a social class, but an outright human.  And hopefully, whether they feel it or not, their spirit will feel the value my spirit places on them.  And they get to grow brighter too.

While I’m not sure, I feel like actually connecting with myself and with others with true kindness is the beginning lesson we need to change this world.  To heal.  Authentic connection can be the catalyst to change, but as brightly as I know I can shine, I can’t do it alone.  If connecting to your own spirit is new to you, I’m going to give some ideas of how I’ll be connecting.  If you have that but aren’t sure how to connect to others, I’ve got some suggestions.  They’re just suggestions and you’ll figure out what will work for you.  Use this intent, share this intent.  And let’s all shine more.

Connecting to spirit: meditate; dance; sing; yoga; learn something new every day; play a drum; play a flute; play something; laugh; go outside; walk a dog; scratch a cat; feel the earth; look up; read a book; write a journal; write a poem.

Connecting to others: get off the computer; get off Facebook; call; write a letter; meet for coffee; meet for dinner; say hi to a stranger; open a door; say thank you; don’t look away; put phones down; laugh; sing; dance; hug; share a poem; share a song.

Not alone

22 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Truth

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Here’s the thing about yoga that often times remains unspoken.  Regardless of the style of yoga, reason for coming to the mat, or how you feel off the mat, we all gain one benefit from a regular yoga practice that is quite remarkable – it’s the sense of community.  Connecting so deeply with one or more people for the time on the mat can be an incredibly powerful gift.  From community, we begin to heal.  And when we heal, we are better able to see, feel, and help others.

I primarily practice Forrest Yoga (no surprise there) and use the intensity of the poses with the power of the breath to help heal from traumas I experienced in my life.  We all experience trauma in some way daily (think of a sudden, loud noise and how your body tenses) and some of those events are life altering.  I’m working on a few right now in my own life and in my own body.

Today, while I practiced alongside three incredible women and awesome friends, one of those traumas decided to show up.  While I will not go into those details here, all three know this issue I’m working through.  I asked a question about my third chakra – power, control – and why would it be acting up in a certain pose.  As ‘AD’ had me breathe into the third with softness, it boiled out.  I broke.  I crumpled.  I lost all control of my own breath.  And cried.

Then I felt a hand on my back.  Guiding me not only to breathe, but to stay in body, to not run from this.  And quickly, all three were there.  Stopping their own practices to lend me their strength when I had none, to give me breath to match with my own, and to most importantly, let me know that I was seen and they were not looking away.

This community, this “Forrest Yoga Tribe” that I’m a part of – it’s perhaps one of the best things I’ve got going in my life right now.  And today was a purely magical reminder to me that I’m strong; but when I’m surrounded by those that love me and want only the best for us all, we’re all even stronger.

(and to AD, MB, and AL – thank you each for being there today and for building a wall of protection around me so that I didn’t have to shield myself.  It’s beyond humbling to know that the power you each possess is on the mat next to me.  Aho!)

Current state of yoga

11 Sunday Jan 2015

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Life Lessons, Yoga

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Interesting title to the post tonight, eh?  Hopefully it peaked a little bit of curiosity.

A friend and fellow teacher posted on her Facebook wall this phrase today: “Dear yogis, be kind to other yogis.  Love a yogi!”  Reading that phrase, you may be thinking that yoga is all about peace, love, and om.  But a different energy has begun to shift into yoga that needs to be addressed and cannot (should not) be ignored.

It’s competition.  Oddly enough, for what may be a group of people that are more “zen” than average, yoga has become a competitive sport.  I’ve had other yoga teachers/practitioners/students post on my Instagram (IG) photos how I could better achieve a pose, many of whom I only follow and who follow me – never having met in the real world.  I’ve had friends and fellow teachers call me out for being a “young” teacher in my short two years.  I’ve been surprised by students and teachers of other styles confronting me when they do not agree with my primary style of yoga – Forrest.

And it saddens me.  Deeply.  What is that about and where does it come from?  My opinion (and it’s just mine), is that it is the influence of the world at large.  Business is about making a buck; yoga teaching has changed from guiding and helping students to making a buck.  I get and acknowledge – as a teacher in DC, I am a small fish in the pond.  I’ve known in my heart there are bigger fish circling.  But rather than setting out to “win,” why not set out to lift?

It’s my goal with the term bad yogi.  We each have our own path.  While my path is right for me, my path is not right for you.  And vice versa.  I get excited for students and friends of mine that go for more advanced or additional trainings, even if it’s a style I don’t practice or know much about.  That excitement comes because that friend is stepping out on their path.  Every step forward on a path is THRILLING!  And should be celebrated.  When friends/teachers get new teaching jobs, I get excited for them because that’s the (non-spoken) goal of most teachers – to reach a broader audience of student.  And when teachers speak down about the day in, day out grind of teaching, I will call them on it because quite frankly, we are so lucky to do what we do.  Having worked in numerous office settings, 9-5 and Monday-Friday, I will tell anyone that listens – teaching yoga is the BEST thing I’ve ever done.  I honor that daily.

What does all that mean?  I don’t know.  Honestly.  I think that everyone – yogis and non – need to do a better job of truly being happy for others.  Of learning that someone else, when they achieve success, doesn’t actually take away from our own experience of it.  And I think that IG yogis that correct my heart opening poses and coach me to go deeper need to know – every heart opener causes amounts of panic to roll up through me that only with deep breathing and a desire to walk my path have allowed me to actually hold the pose long enough to snap a picture.