Category Archives: Yoga

Blog posts about yoga practice

Truth Speak – 02/03/17

03 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth, Yoga

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I’m pretty sure we all suffer from them.  And when they hit us, we feel blindsided.  They are our nemesis thoughts.  The asshole critic that lives in our own head.  That never shuts up.  My critic, my nemesis thoughts, get more aggressive, more ugly, more hateful when I ignore them.  They spiral out of control.  They break my spirit.  Dim my light.  I’m sick of them.

Today on my mat, in a practice that I thought would feel good in my body and wouldn’t bring up much of anything, a few of these thoughts came up.  I felt them hit my body full force.  I stopped my practice.  I wasted some time by drinking some tea.  I almost gave up.

But I didn’t.  In a very brief moment, the voice of Ana Forrest snuck in.  She saw me.  And she reminded me that I learned a long time ago that those thoughts are lies.  To jump on a popular hashtag, they are #alternativefacts.

In Forrest Yoga, we teach to an apex pose – it’s the pose in the sequence that we warm the body up for, work on opening and creating space for, and is the “most advanced” pose of class.  My apex today was staying on my mat.  That one brief respite when Ana very much spoke the exact opposite of my nemesis gave me the courage to say those words for myself.  I cried.  And I tried to not cry.  But I cried more.

My apex today was showing up for myself.  Because I’m worth it.  Because my students are worth it.  My teacher is worth it.  My friends/family are worth.  I will continue to show up.  I will have my moments where my nemesis thought is loud, abrasive, ugly.  But someone, in that moment, will sneak into my mind and remind me – the toughest work is often done with another.  And I am not alone.

***I film practices to take pictures from often; I take pictures throughout practice.  This picture is that moment when the thought landed.  When I thought I wasn’t worth ….

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Intention, October ’16

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Mending the Hoop, Yoga

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It’s time for a new intention.  Well, not that I’m getting rid of the old ones.  That’s the fun thing about working with intents – we can add to them, allow them to evolve, or even re-use the same ones repeatedly.  I’ve been feeling the intention for this month churn inside me for a few weeks now.  With the new moon yesterday, new month today, and rainy weather here today, it feels like the right time to start.

Back story – I’ve been emotionally overwhelmed lately.  News of hate, violence, killings, beatings, etc. is really getting to me.  The level of disrespect is increasing at rates that we may have never felt before.  I’ve noticed my shoulders getting heavier with the weight of all things worldly and I’ve seen the same in bodies of students.  There have been definite moments I’ve wanted to retreat, to hide, to shield, and then to build my fortress.  I did that once.  And I’m still tearing down those walls, so I know that’s not really an option.

This month, I’m working with the word ‘connection.’  Each day, I’m going to go deeper connecting with my own spirit.  Using some lessons from Ana Forrest, I’m going to feed my spirit daily, to delight it, and to feel my own light grow brighter.  And each day, I’m going to connect to the spirit of anyone the universe leads across my path.  I’m going to see people as human.  Not a designer label, not a social class, but an outright human.  And hopefully, whether they feel it or not, their spirit will feel the value my spirit places on them.  And they get to grow brighter too.

While I’m not sure, I feel like actually connecting with myself and with others with true kindness is the beginning lesson we need to change this world.  To heal.  Authentic connection can be the catalyst to change, but as brightly as I know I can shine, I can’t do it alone.  If connecting to your own spirit is new to you, I’m going to give some ideas of how I’ll be connecting.  If you have that but aren’t sure how to connect to others, I’ve got some suggestions.  They’re just suggestions and you’ll figure out what will work for you.  Use this intent, share this intent.  And let’s all shine more.

Connecting to spirit: meditate; dance; sing; yoga; learn something new every day; play a drum; play a flute; play something; laugh; go outside; walk a dog; scratch a cat; feel the earth; look up; read a book; write a journal; write a poem.

Connecting to others: get off the computer; get off Facebook; call; write a letter; meet for coffee; meet for dinner; say hi to a stranger; open a door; say thank you; don’t look away; put phones down; laugh; sing; dance; hug; share a poem; share a song.

The sun rose

30 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Breath, Dragon, Life Lessons

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And I guess it’ll continue to rise.  Grief is a funny emotion – it hits in this odd moments, in these different manners, and at points feels overpowering.  There have been moments today that I’m who I was a week ago – #AYogiAndHisDog.  And then I look at the couch and he’s not there; I go to the bedroom and he’s gone.  I tried to nap today but my napping companion didn’t join me and I couldn’t.

I’ve been in grief before.  I know how it’s done.  I know how it fucks us up.  But I’m also different now.  I know I can breathe.  I understand that the voice in my head making me feel guilty for “grieving wrong” is full of shit and this is my process.  Grief demands that – to honor the process; not to force anything; and to be human.

I taught my 7am class as usual; rushed home to walk Baxter only to remember on my way in that his walk wasn’t necessary.  I broke down completely in my noon class and shared a moment of authenticity with the class – that I didn’t want to teach that class but because of who they are and the power they hold, I was able to make it through.  I thought about filling his empty water dish.  The apartment feels “quiet.”  That statement is a weird one because he wasn’t a loud dog; it’s missing his energy that makes if feel quiet.

The sun set tonight.  It’ll come back up tomorrow.  I offered sage to the Sacred Ones yesterday for him, for me, for healing.  Today, I offered sage to help prevent me from hiding, from shielding.  Tomorrow, I don’t know what the prayer to the Sacred Ones will include but community is something that is coming across strongly right now.

Baxter saved my life.  I’ve said it so many times before.  Now it’s time for me to save my own.  #WhenTheGoingGetsTough #TheToughStartBreathing.

#heartinabox

09 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Breath, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons

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I’m currently working on a pretty big issue in my life.  After my ex died a few years ago, I did something to protect myself that at the time, made sense.  I boxed my heart up and hid it away.  Because at that point in my life, I was completely shattered.  And at that point in my life, I wasn’t sure how I’d breathe, let alone walk and take steps forward on my path.

Cut to last month in Chicago.  I’d forgotten how securely I built the box around my heart.  During the Forrest Foundation training, another assistant and I demonstrated a seeing exercise.  During the exercise, she quite accurately saw my heart wanting to burst out of the box.  After that discovery, I’m working on revealing more of my heart and letting it out of the box entirely.  Scary, I know.

Part of that process has been to come at the box with everything I have.  And what I can say is that attention, or type of attack, is just building the boxes defenses up even more.  Needless to say, that was not my goal.  During a Forrest class yesterday, with the focus to breathe into one spot for the entire class, the realization came to me – I’ve been coming at the box with a sledgehammer when it wanted a feather.

One thing that Ana said last month during the training is ringing true.  We often attack with everything we have but in reality, just need a bit of compassion.  I applied compassion during class yesterday and the result wasn’t shift or opening but a movement toward awareness.  It was an interesting day yesterday and today as well – with much introspection and deep breath.  I can softly acknowledge that I’m on this path now toward letting my heart out.  I’m not sure how long it’ll take but I’m walking it.  And trying to allow my heart to lead the way.

Current state of yoga

11 Sunday Jan 2015

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Life Lessons, Yoga

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Interesting title to the post tonight, eh?  Hopefully it peaked a little bit of curiosity.

A friend and fellow teacher posted on her Facebook wall this phrase today: “Dear yogis, be kind to other yogis.  Love a yogi!”  Reading that phrase, you may be thinking that yoga is all about peace, love, and om.  But a different energy has begun to shift into yoga that needs to be addressed and cannot (should not) be ignored.

It’s competition.  Oddly enough, for what may be a group of people that are more “zen” than average, yoga has become a competitive sport.  I’ve had other yoga teachers/practitioners/students post on my Instagram (IG) photos how I could better achieve a pose, many of whom I only follow and who follow me – never having met in the real world.  I’ve had friends and fellow teachers call me out for being a “young” teacher in my short two years.  I’ve been surprised by students and teachers of other styles confronting me when they do not agree with my primary style of yoga – Forrest.

And it saddens me.  Deeply.  What is that about and where does it come from?  My opinion (and it’s just mine), is that it is the influence of the world at large.  Business is about making a buck; yoga teaching has changed from guiding and helping students to making a buck.  I get and acknowledge – as a teacher in DC, I am a small fish in the pond.  I’ve known in my heart there are bigger fish circling.  But rather than setting out to “win,” why not set out to lift?

It’s my goal with the term bad yogi.  We each have our own path.  While my path is right for me, my path is not right for you.  And vice versa.  I get excited for students and friends of mine that go for more advanced or additional trainings, even if it’s a style I don’t practice or know much about.  That excitement comes because that friend is stepping out on their path.  Every step forward on a path is THRILLING!  And should be celebrated.  When friends/teachers get new teaching jobs, I get excited for them because that’s the (non-spoken) goal of most teachers – to reach a broader audience of student.  And when teachers speak down about the day in, day out grind of teaching, I will call them on it because quite frankly, we are so lucky to do what we do.  Having worked in numerous office settings, 9-5 and Monday-Friday, I will tell anyone that listens – teaching yoga is the BEST thing I’ve ever done.  I honor that daily.

What does all that mean?  I don’t know.  Honestly.  I think that everyone – yogis and non – need to do a better job of truly being happy for others.  Of learning that someone else, when they achieve success, doesn’t actually take away from our own experience of it.  And I think that IG yogis that correct my heart opening poses and coach me to go deeper need to know – every heart opener causes amounts of panic to roll up through me that only with deep breathing and a desire to walk my path have allowed me to actually hold the pose long enough to snap a picture.

Just breathe

12 Wednesday Nov 2014

Posted by in Breath, Forrest, Intentions

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Today’s theme was brought to me by breath.  And it served as an AMAZING reminder how powerful breath can be.

I had one student attend my morning class and as with all private sessions, I asked where she would like to focus.  Her response – breath and core.  I sat her in meditation and asked for her to breathe deeply.  After picking up on “catches” in her breath, I asked how she felt when she inhaled.  She was sick with pneumonia a year ago and was still trying to get her lung capacity back up.

I worked with her on expanding her lungs, sitting behind her and reading where the prana (energy) was getting stuck.  At one point, I placed my fingers deeply into her collarbone and asked her to send breath there.  She could but with obvious and literal pain.  For the rest of the practice, I encouraged her to stay just under that pain cut threshold but to inhale slowly.

Cut to me, offering an adjustment in Warrior I, less than 30 minutes later.  She had hiked her shoulders to her ears and I was helping her find a place of comfort there.  When I felt a clear, unrestrained breath hit her collarbone.  When I asked her about it, she purposefully inhaled to that spot again and said “It doesn’t hurt.”

The end of my day concluded with a Forrest class centered entirely in my lungs.  I could feel the expansiveness of my front, back, left, and right side as I inhaled.  I felt my ribs expanding, allowing the life force to flow easier into my very being.

Breath is one of those things that we take for granted.  Our bodies inhale and exhale without us actually having to think.  But what happens when we do – when we slow our inhale down and allow our exhale to just release?  We find space.  We find calm.  We find a way and a reason to actually begin to breathe freely again.  And to let some shit go.

Forrest Yoga is NOTHING without breath.  It’s through breath that we learn to ride the edge; we learn to stalk that which is holding us back and either snuggle in close with it and make it our friend or we release it with an amazing lion’s breath.  The roar from a really cleansing lion’s breath is beyond amazing.  But it only happens when we breathe into a space where we want to let something go.

So breath.  #justbreathe  Sounds easy.  But a phrase I’ve used in many a yoga class is “When the going gets tough, the tough start to breathe.”

Perfectly imperfect

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by in Life Lessons, Yoga

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We have all seen the pictures on Instagram and other social media platforms – perfect yogi bodies, in the perfect lighting, with appropriate shadows, striking a stunning pose. Hell, I’m guilty of setting up a picture and then waiting for the “Likes” to start rolling in. These posts often include either a scripture reference explaining why THAT pose is important or how that pose makes the yogi feel.
But we’re missing out on our flaws. I have been concerned that non-yogis will either think these advanced asanas are easy to do and thereby risk injury. Or they get completely turned off by the perfect form, thinking they’ll never achieve that level of posture. It can be intimidating to walk into a classroom and see students in a beautiful expression of forward folding – back straight, legs strong, chest on thighs. I was working with a student standing on one leg in tree pose; her breath and energy were vivid reflections with her frustrations on not being able to stand easily on that leg. I walked behind her, activated my feet, slowed my own breathing, and lightly touched her shoulders. I asked her “Why do you care so much? Because I don’t.” Immediately her energy changed. Her breath slowed. And the tension she was allowing to build in her shoulders began to subside.
Why do we care so much? Yoga is supposed to be peaceful and healing. But rather, we’re making it about image. Do not misunderstand, I think there’s a time and a place for projecting an image of “perfect form,” but the world is also aching for honesty.
Ana Forrest called me out time and again on my push for perfection in my practice. I struggle daily with my mind dropping into old habits of critiques, judgement, and frustration when my forearm balance looks and feels accidental. But I’m beginning to catch my mind in these moments and tell it “who cares?” This is my practice today and it’s further along than it was yesterday but maybe not as far as tomorrow. So who cares?
As a yogi on Instagram, I’m going to start with myself…and knowingly and willingly post pictures of me that are not the best form, with horrendous lighting, and possibly a bulldog in the background wishing I’d let him nap. Since #stopanddropyoga is a thing, I’ll challenge yogis to hopefully read this blog and to post a #perfectlyimperfect photo.

Steps forward

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in Breath, Forrest, Gratitude, Life Lessons

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My yogi summer is coming to an end and after completing the Forrest Yoga Foundation Training, I’ve taken some time for myself to explore the cities of London and Paris. I walked around both cities with no pre-planned agenda but to just be in the moment, honor the moment, and see what each city wanted to offer.

What I discovered was that I love both cities immensely and cannot wait until I come back again. But bigger than that, I came to the realization that I have changed for the better and these cities are proof. The “old me” would not have left at 9am each morning and not returned until 4-5pm, only to leave again for dinner. the old me would have been bitter to be traveling alone, paranoid because of the alone, and not looking forward to the next trip.

But that was the way old me. I’ve learned I’m more grounded than I thought I was. Yeah, I still get a bit freaked out in crowds but that didn’t stop me from experiencing; when the panic started to hit, I activated my feet and slowed down my breath. After which, I found another stop on the walking tour. I tried speaking French and failed; some may say I failed at English as well. But that was me, in my moment, loving every breath.

Look forward

04 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by in Life Lessons, Yoga

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Yoga teachers often speak to lessons students may learn on the mat and how they can then apply those lessons to life off the mat. In a class this past weekend, I hit on one of those lessons that resounded deeply with the class and with me. It’s a nugget of knowledge that I’ve already thought about applying in my own life.
The class was built around party poses (yes, I just said that) such as bakasana, koundinyasana, and eka pada bakasana with the foundation of each of these postures coming from “chaturanga arms are everything.” As the class was playing with bakasana (crow), I pointed out the difference between looking ahead and looking back. When we look back in crow, it increases the hunch in our back and the likelihood of a somersault out. When the head is looking forward, it reduces the opportunity to roll while making the pose less scary.
And that’s where the lesson sprouted. We all have a past that we carry with us. When we look back, that past holds us back and may even prevent us from finding or creating our own opportunity for something really awesome. By looking forward, the future is less scary and in focus.
I have some really big things coming up in the very near future – Forrest Yoga training being among them – and if I stayed still, focusing on the past that brought me this far, I would become stuck, stagnant, and blind to my future.
So I’m looking forward with a smile, a laugh, and open eyes as I leapfrog off my past and into my life. You should too.

How I’m spending my summer vacation

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Forrest, Yoga

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Some of you may not believe this but yes, yoga teachers do get a vacation. Because of the “I schedule myself” nature of our industry, many times, we get a summer, autumn, winter, and spring vacation. Pretty cool, huh? Bet you immediately thought – career change time. While often we do take the more standard vacation to see family, travel, etc, we also take many breaks to continue our yoga knowledge and/or interact with other yogis.
I’m doing the combination. When I started my first teacher training, I knew at some point I would do another training for a specific style – Forrest Yoga. Note the two R’s. Named for Ana Forrest and not for a collection of trees. In just over a week, I’ll be jumping into a near month long intensive training – daily meditation, daily practice, daily sessions learning more about this style.
I am beyond excited for it. Forrest principles, at their most simplistic because it’s me describing them, are that we find what is holding us back, figure it out, stalk it, and then use it to leapfrog ahead. We can apply that to our yoga practice or to our life. I currently don’t have headstand in my regular practice – some days I feel light, others I do not – but Forrest teaches to breathe into the moment I get into my own head. And continue to breathe as my nervous system gets flipped upside down. In life, we all have a history of good events, bad events, maybe even horrific events and we hold the emotions that are attached to those events closely. As in so close, it prevents us from moving forward.
I can say without hesitation that I’ve taken strides forward. But there is potential to step even more. Forrest teaches in life, when we start to feel the negative emotion – fear, anger, jealousy – to stop and to breathe. Yep, there’s that word again. It’s through our breath that we can identify the cause, snuggle in closely, and use that power to move forward. I can’t wait to see how my life and my practice are changed. And then to share that with family, friends, other teachers, and students.