I just got back to DC from a week long yoga and ceremony retreat with Ana Forrest and Jose Calarco.  To say that I’m still processing is an understatement.  There is so much Beauty in ceremony and I’m excited to continue to learn/practice and share with my students.  As I watch the rain come down, I thought I’d share one of many attributes about what ceremony is – it’s connection.

We connect to an intention.  The intention may be something we come to the room with or it may become more evident as we connect more deeply to the greater powers.  While both work well, it’s important to know that if we come in with a specific intention and the Sacred Ones start guiding, it’s time to let them.

Connection to something greater than us.  In Forrest Yoga, we call that the ‘Sacred Ones,’ and they represent the Great Spirit that resides in all of us and those that have gone before.  The ancestors we can connect with go back to the beginning of time – that’s so much power.  Imagine what strength or knowledge they can share with us when we choose to feel and listen to them.

We connect to the Four Directions.  I think the Directions and Sacred Ones are tied together closely but I’m learning that most, if not all, indigenous populations call in the Directions.  Here, the directions may represent elements, animals, colors, traits, etc.  Element wise, East is Fire, South is Water, West is Earth, and North is Air.  These represent how I first learned the Four Directions during my Forrest Yoga training and those resonate with me greatest.  I’ve done some study on my own and have learned that other cultures and peoples have them assigned differently.

We connect to each other in Ceremony.  We as a people are broken.  It’s evident in our interactions, or lack of.  We spend more time looking at phones than seeing a person. We listen primarily as a means to craft our response and don’t actually feel the words.  Ceremony is a way to see, feel, hear another.  And to not turn away.

If you know me and know my life, you also know I had to put my bulldog Baxter to sleep on June 29.  I’m still recovering.  And it’s been interesting.  I’m still bumping into neighbors in my building or other dogs and owners on the street and having to tell them the news.  Each time, I want to run away and hide.  But each time, because Baxter was like that, I stay and talk.  And we typically share how much power animals have in our lives.

Tonight, I walked through “the park” for maybe the fourth time.  “The park” has trees and people and squirrels.  I very specifically chose where I live because the park is across the street and it made for an easy way to walk Bax.  I’ve been avoiding the park for most days.  But I went through it tonight.

And I cried for Baxter.  I remembered the last day I had with him; the benches that we sat on; the other dogs we saw.  I remembered and felt again the moments that took me into the vets room, the shots administered, and the words I said before he crossed the realms.

I’m here.  That’s a victory.  When my ex died, Baxter was what got me out of bed.  Without him, I’ve not only done it but I’ve also gone to England to do it.  Holy shit.

Walking through the park tonight was my apex pose of the day and my win.  It was a reminder of my best friend the bulldog; and the future I still have.  It was a resounding acknowledgement that I’ve come so incredibly far and I still have a journey to make.  I still miss him greatly.  But I also know he (and my ex) do not want me dwelling on our past – but stepping into my future.

I tell anyone that will listen – I love what I do.  I teach yoga.  More specifically, I teach Forrest Yoga, a method and approach that resonates DEEPLY within my entire being.  I tell people all the time that when I took my Forrest Yoga Foundation Training two short years ago, the universe took notice.  And I believe that.

I got back earlier this week from assisting the Foundation Training that finished recently in Peterborough, UK.  And as I slowly returned to my home, my teaching schedule, and my time zone, the universe was still active in my life.

I taught twice today at the Yoga Expo DC.  That alone was pretty fucking cool.  But I also got to introduce more than 60 students to the practice that drives my own.  And I had so much fun doing it.  I ended the day teaching my regular Saturday evening class at a studio (more on this to come.)  Randomly enough, I got two emails from students asking when they could see me again.

During the studio class, I told the students very honestly that connection to students, to my own spirit, and then see students make the same connection is why I love to teach.  Well, one of the reasons anyway.  But today was all about connection – to self; to others; to the universe; to love.

Today was a really GREAT day.  And there’s more to come.   But for right now, on a Saturday night when I’m ready to find a book and read myself to sleep, I honor authentic connection.  Those moments when my spirit sees your spirit and we all grin.

I have to admit something here – this is not my first blog.  I’ll pause while folks pick up their mouths from disbelief.  My first blog is more personal and about recovery/steps forward from a life that I remember well.  And I do not use it much – because I’m not really the man I was when I started it.  The link below will take you there if you want to check it out, but as I thought about that blog tonight and if I want to keep it active or discontinue it, I read some posts.

And the post “Frozen Cheese” stopped me in my tracks.  Not because of the title or the content.  But because I still have that cheese, in my freezer.  I see it every time I get ice or food.  And every fucking time, I smile.  Because it reminds me of a time when I was unsure and a student (that I became a student with) walked into my life.  It reminded me of how far I’ve come,,,,and far I have yet to go.

My path, this journey, that I’m on is crazy exciting.  I see and feel such big things ahead that I can’t believe I’m still at a point when I’m figuring out where my path is leading.  Short answer is I don’t know.  Long answer is that I think it’s time that I start the shift in myself.  And to step into the future self I saw and hang out with on a beach in Hawaii.

In my journals, I frequently write about finding who I am in the greater world of yoga and what my place is.  I’m a little fish in a medium pond so to speak.  But that cheese is a frozen reminder – I touch lives daily and those lives touch me in return.  It’s the four ladies that went to my downtown DC class on a holiday not for the yoga only, but because I was teaching it.  It’s the teachers that I respect and hold in their space, knowing that regardless of our training, we are each on a path.  I think of the Forrest tribe in DC, growing as I type this.  And I’m humbled in each situation.

Who am I?  I’m a man, on my path, standing in strength from the lessons I’ve learned, and looking toward the sun.  Who’s with me?

I taught a Forrest Yoga Basics workshop today at Buddha B Yoga (BBY), one of the studios at which I regularly teach.  I actually have two Beauty reports to share and they both are moments of me today.  Ironically, today’s intent was to love myself, flaws and all.

1- Almost four years ago, I went to BBY on a search for my happy and thought yoga might help; the Groupon deal that got me to the studio helped as well.  It was here I took my first Forrest Yoga class with Abby.  I didn’t know ANYTHING about Forrest Yoga, but the website said it was heated.  As I sat on my mat in a back row and she set the intent, I felt it land.  In my heart.  So I did what any yogi would do – I opened my eyes and looked at her; she was looking right back at me.  I was hooked.

Today, as I was setting up the for the workshop, that moment came racing back to my mind.  It was surreal.  And it felt full circle.  The Forrest Yoga path I started out on years ago is moving forward and it felt really, really nice to bring it back to the studio I called my first studio home.  I shared the moment with the class and then shared the four pillars of Forrest Yoga – breath, strength, integrity, and spirit.  And then added the element of Ceremony as the unofficial fifth.  Each time we come to the mat, it’s a ceremony with ourselves and should be honored with the other four pillars.

2- I’m pretty type A; I have a fire inside that pushes me to succeed; I’m also from the corporate world where success is in the numbers.  And I was afraid my workshop would underperform (by corporate standards).  That’s shit thinking.

I love to teach.  I love my Forrest practice.  And I love sharing Forrest Yoga and doing my part to mend the hoop.  Today, in a class I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fully show up for, I not only showed up, but I also showed myself.  And it scared the shit out of me.  I shared how my life was thrown off the rails four years ago and it was with Forrest Yoga I actually began to find my happy.  Each student not only saw my heart, but felt my heart.  Things that my mentors, family members, other teachers, and friends have said to me over the past few years came back to me – and I saw the future self that I’ve been working so hard to become walk into the room and assume the role.  This is my bad yogi path – I’m not perfect.  No one is.  But it’s one hell of a journey, isn’t it?

So apparently someone besides me reads this blog.  And she takes my class.  And I don’t know her.  But I think I do.  Anyhow, she and her blog nominated me for the Liebster Award, which is just a way for one blogger to put a shout out for others.  Which is never bad.  Go meet her here: http://lifevivified.com  The story then goes that I get to nominate blogs as well.  Here’s the kicker.  I don’t read too many on a regular basis.  That’s my bad.  And I own it.  I really just try and limit my time in front of the computer and would much rather read a book, go outside, practice, run, etc.  I’m taking the Liebster and running with it in my own bad yogi way – instead of nominating, I created a whole new section of my website – What I read.  As I stumble across authors, blogs, poets, or other, I’ll put them there.  So keep checking it out.

The part of being nominated I will play along with is answering her questions and providing random facts about me.  So here goes…

1. How did you get into blogging?  Hm, how did I?  Well, my first blog (and the one that is out there but I don’t use it much) was about my life recovering after my ex broke up with me and then after his death.  I think there are some really good stories on it still so I may add a link on this site over.  Happy reading.  I blog my life.  Most of it has a “yoga spin” but it’s my life.  It’s real.  And it’s my truth.
2. If you could have one superpower (real or imagined) what would it be and why?  Who says I don’t already have one??  And if I told you, my secret identity would be forever revealed.  I’ve seen what happens.  Ain’t gonna do it.
3. What are your long-term goals in life?  Seriously?  C’mon Viv.  To not die in the short term.  Do any of us know?  If you had asked me six years ago where I’d be now, my life would have been different.  I’ve learned to be fluid.  To accept what I cannot change and to influence where I can.  The pageant in me says world peace and ending world hunger.  But I’d actually settle for helping people become nicer.
4. If you could live within the setting of one television show or movie, what would it be and why?   Is Harry Potter too obvious?  Definitely not ‘The Walking Dead’ or ‘It.’  But I actually don’t think I’d want to.  It may seem corny, but I’m right where I need to be.  I’m still learning what that means but I’m ok with it for now.  And I should have my own TV show.  Because, obviously.
5. Same question, but pertaining to the setting of a story or book?  Is Harry Potter too obvious?  Here’s a deep answer – I’d choose not to.  I use books to escape from my life.  My life, just a hunch, goes where I go.  So it’d be in the book with me.
6. Which of all your own blog posts, is your favorite?  Tricky question.  I’m cheating.  And saying all of them.  Because they represent who I was in that moment in that time.  And it was the only time I was that guy.  I don’t blog regularly and don’t have a schedule of when I should.  I blog when my heart is ready and can light the words that come out.  Being truthful and honest are two priorities for my blog; it helps if I don’t write about the sushi I had for lunch.
7. How did you come up with the name for your blog?  I’m bad yogi.  I think we all are.  It’s not about drinking wine or eating meat.  But instead, realizing that none of us are perfect.  And we’re on a path.  This path has lead me here.  I’ll keep moving on.  So will you.  My hope is that we all part ways better, wiser, and stronger for knowing each other.
8. If you were going to own an exotic pet (in theory only – we know wild animals do not make good pets), what would it be and why?  I have a bulldog.  From England.  And a possessed cat.  I do not want any other exotic animals.
9. If you could spend a day with one person (real or fictional), who would it be and why?  My Dad.  Any day.  He makes me laugh without trying, thinks he’s the funniest person around, and is a major part of the reason I am who I am today.
10. If you won the lottery today, what would you do tomorrow?  Wake up, make breakfast, write my to do list, breathe for my daily intention, and go about my day.  I am so lucky I get to do what  I do.  Leaving the office world was my best decision.  I could have all the money out there – but I’d still show up to teach.  Just maybe though, I’d be teaching in Bali.
11. What makes you happiest in this world?  Happy.  Happiness.  Words that I don’t actually throw around easily.  I love teaching though.  When students have an ‘aha!’ moment about a pose or intention.  Being with family and friends.  I’m happiest when the human connection, which we all have, is alive in me and those I’m with.  When my light sees your light, we all shine brighter.

And now, 11 random facts about myself.

1. I’m deathly afraid of snakes, clowns, and zombies.
2. Spring is my favorite season.
3. I curse.  A lot.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
4. I make a mean grilled cheese and at one point in my life aspired to open a grilled cheese restaurant.  As a result of that, I’ve got quite a few tested concept sandwiches.  All of which are amazing.
5. I have, in most situations, at least 2-3 minimum escape strategies in place should a clown come into the area.  Or zombie.
6. I believe I’m an amazing kick boxer because I’ve watched every episode of ‘Buffy’ and ‘Alias.’
7. No.  Seriously.  Did you see my legit fear of clowns??  I’ve gotta be ready to kick ass.
8. In the search for my happy, I’m discovering that happy isn’t a destination.  It’s a travel companion.
9. I hate the taste of milk.
10. I was in Mysore before Mysore was cool.
11. This is the longest blog post I’ve ever written.

What an amazing September I’ve had!  I spent the month assisting the Forrest Yoga Foundation Training in Chicago.  It was incredible to see 40 trainees make the journey through that I completed a mere year ago.  And while this was not my training, I’ve learned so much.  I cannot wait to share with students!!!

Here’s the awesome thing though – I feel shift. There’s something in me brewing that I’m not sure where it’s going to go or what it’ll look like.  That part of me I’ve locked up since the death of my ex wants out.  And I’m going to let it out.  Slowly.  It’s gonna be scary at first (for me).  I’m about to release my light.  I’ve been told by another dragon that I’m pretty bright.

I’m finally believing him.  #shine #somethingbadyogithiswaycomes

Ana Forrest has as one of her biggest focus points to mend the hoop of the people.  I think that this is an amazing thing to work on and I’ve been slowly, in my own little world, working to mend the hoop.  One of the areas I personally think the hoop is broken is in human interaction.  We spend so much time on the social media and on texts that it’s time something begins to shift and we all make small changes….

Last weekend, I taught my usual four classes on Saturday – two vinyasa, two Forrest Yoga.  And all four classes had something happen that has taken me a few days to think about, process, and appreciate.

After every class, students stayed behind.  What started with one student in the first class talking to me about how much she loves DC changed to five students waiting after class to talk about mats and lunch and the gym.  The following classes had students wanting to talk both about a pose and to just hang out.  I honestly didn’t think much about any of these interactions.

Until it hit me – in this little corner of DC, there is a community growing.  Of students that want to connect with other students; wanting to connect to a teacher (so humbled that it’s me); but most importantly humans, who for a few moments, just want to be seen.

It’s an amazing thing to watch happen.  I really do think that I’ve been blessed in my life that I love my job so much!  But I also love these little “aha” moments that allow me to see students seeing each other.  And when we walk away, we’re all human.  Aho.