Category Archives: Mending the Hoop

I’m back

03 Saturday Nov 2018

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

It’s been entirely too long.  I need to get back to writing.  So much has changed, shifted, altered, and is growing in my life right now.

But here’s where I’m at today and why the title is “I’m back.”  It’s not titled that because I’m blogging again; it’s that title because I’m realizing who it is I am meant to be, what I’m meant to do, and am growing greater understanding of the obstacles (many are thrown by myself) in my path.

I’ve had a few weeks where my body was pushing back, giving headaches and stomach issues, and quite frankly shutting down.  I’ve known at some point that the message would come through, just wondered when it would be.

Today it is.  I wished a friend a happy birthday on the book of faces.  She and I mentored together a few years ago.  And I had this flashback to how I felt when I met her – she had a much more established yoga practice, had artistic talent beyond belief, and felt that I would never “be at that level” in anything.  I call bullshit on my shit.

Because she is who she is – amazing, talented, passionate.  And I am who I am.  She and I will walk through this life as friends, with hopeful physical path crossings increasing.  But we each bring something this planet needs.

I’m passionate about teaching.  I can’t wait to show how far Dragon’s Breath Yoga can fly (if you missed it, I bought a studio.  Check it out here).  I bring compassion.  The drive to become better for myself.  A hunger for healing.  I have the heart, the eyes, and the voice of a dragon.  And I have wings.  They are my own.  And they love catching the wind.

Why I (still) teach

17 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Yoga

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

It’s kind of funny.  I haven’t thought much about why I teach yoga lately and then, in the past few days, I’ve been shown so many reminders of the power in sharing this passion.

I teach because it is my passion.  I have frequently thought that I need to expand my knowledge of yogic texts and still want to explore them, my passion for yoga comes through the power in the asana practice. I feel this practice – and that may sound corny and standard, but the more I teach and practice, the more I begin to realize how kinesthetic I am.  In my practice, I play with small movements, little changes, different muscle activations to feel them in my body.  When I teach, I’ve been catching myself “doing the cue” before giving it to students so that my words give them what to chase/experience.

I teach for connection.  It’s a basic human need that is often overlooked.  We crave authentic connections with other people.  We crave growth.  We want to share out paths. Just this past weekend, I had a student come to one of my classes.  When I introduced myself, he said that he had taken my class before.  As we dove into when/where, it was over two years ago at a gym that is no longer on my schedule.  He took one class; he remembered that one class; he remembered me.  Now, he’s decided he needs to supplement his life with yoga; he tracked me down.  It’s a humbling feeling but it’s a really great feeling to have a student seek me out because of one class two years ago.

As a teacher, I want to challenge my students to become their best selves – both on and off the mat.  I’m inspired by students new to the practice that try an arm balance or inversion; by students that acknowledge how the practice has taught them to breathe and to feel themselves; by students that work through their shadows to find their light; and by other teachers that challenge me to “step up my game” on a regular basis to give students more opportunity to grow.

I teach because I practice every day.  And my daily practice, regardless of what it is, belongs completely to me.  I’m selfish with this time.  But I want students to be selfish with their time on the mat too. That’s where and how strength, integrity, breath, spirit, and going deeper turn us on to becoming our best self.

We get on the mat.  We breathe.  We make shapes.  From there, we allow the magick to happen.

Intentions, 2018

08 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

I sit here a week into the New Year and I haven’t really crafted my intentions for the year ahead.  It’s usually something that I’m really good at doing, being aware of, and taking the time to sit with.

This year feels different.  Who I want to be, how I want to be are bigger questions that one year alone cannot hold.  I’ve said it more times than I could count, but life is a journey and it’s not necessarily the destination that matters, but the lessons we learn along the way that shape us.

Who am I?  I feel like this question is still open.  Some days, I’m a warrior.  Some, I’m a dragon.  Others, I feel the pull of the phoenix or the crow more powerfully.  And some, I’m a quiet observer (which quite frankly is a dragon as well).  Each of these days and moments within the days define me, they shape me.

How am I is a question that has a different resonance.  I want to be kind.  I am strong.  I hope to be compassionate – to others as well as myself.  I try and live in the present, though that’s a lot harder some days.  I am seen and I’m slowly revealing more of my light and my true power.

We are variable.  We change.  The world changes.  We change again.  I think it’s the “how am I?” question the most shapes the person we become.

December intent, 2017

04 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

It’s only four days into the month and my intention is finally being put pen to paper.  So to speak.

I just got back from assisting the Forrest Yoga Advanced Teacher Training in Capetown and have a quiet month ahead.  No travel, no workshops, just being present here.  And that’s leading me to sit with the quiet and use it.  Here are a few things I’ll be working with and working on and working through.  Feel free to play along.

  • Revisiting my ethics as a teacher.  This is important to me.  It’s a chance to sit with how I teach and how I want to represent myself as a teacher.  It is an exercise every yoga teacher needs to work with at least once a year.  I have found mine change with experience and I think that’s a good thing.
  • Why do I teach yoga?  I think at it’s core, it should be an easy question to answer, but in the busy, often hectic schedule, we all have, it’s important to feel for what draws me back to teach.
  • Why do I practice yoga?  Much like teaching but this one is what brings me to my mat every day.  “What’s in it for me” comes up with this question and that’s a very good thing.
  • I believe in the magick of Forrest Yoga.  How can I convey this passion succinctly and with passion to anyone that asks?  How can I continue to live with my Spirit daily to being continued healing and growth not only for myself but for my students as well?
  • Where do I want to go next year?  As 2017 closes, how do I step with Beauty into 2018?
  • I have accomplished so much this year.  But I haven’t celebrated everything.  It’s time I uptake what I’ve done and let that re-charge me for the year ahead.

I’m pretty sure more will come up but this is a nice and healthy start.

Shift back

09 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I’ve felt the shift for awhile now.  You vs. me.  Us vs. them.  It’s been a shift that splits families, friends, neighbors, and colleagues.  But I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.

I read Brene Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness” and finally someone put it together. Us vs. them keeps the world in black and white.  Us vs. them puts me against you.  Us vs. them isn’t ever that simple.  And it shouldn’t be.

See, the arguments that are being made on a political, religious, life level are more detailed, more intricate, more compassionate than the us vs. them mentality will ever allow.  There is much more #beauty to behold when we see the world not as black and white but as the colors that fill in the gaps.

So let’s shift back.  It sounds easy enough, right?  But it starts by a really hard task – seeing “them” and loving “them.”  Getting them to see “us” and loving “us.”  Healing starts when we see each other, accept our differences, and find a middle ground.

I had one of those (not) amazing Facebook conversations recently that I’m not proud of.  It was about politics.  I tried to call someone out.  But in the midst of my preparing for the next argument, I remembered that we are both human.  And we each have a story.  And that story needs to be respected.  So I stopped.  She tried (I’d like to think half-heartedly to get me to reengage) and I didn’t.  I think that’s what it takes.  We can agree to disagree up until a point; when our “agreeing to disagree” causes one or both of us to lose respect, love, or compassion for the other, we’ve crossed the line.  And it’s necessary to cross back.  It’s not just necessary, but it’s a requirement.  We all need to heal.  If we are to move forward, it’s because we’re moving forward together and not leaving another in the ditch.

Shift back.  It’s going to be hard.  But the reward – actually connecting with and honoring people – is worth it.  I’m willing to shift back.  Who’s in?

November, 2017 – Intention

01 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Gratitude, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Every month, on the first of the month, I sit in mediation and ask myself the question “Who do I want to be when the month ends?”   This month, the question changed slightly and I think it’s indicative of my path forward.  Today, the question that came up was “How do I want to be?”

It’s a subtle shift.  But one that energetically already is landing through my cell tissue.  Who I want to be is a great place to be, but if we look around at the levels of distrust, lack of connection, the way we speak to each other (in person and online), and other things, it’s a shape shifter.

I want to be better.  Not in the arrogance approach to being better.  But as a human.  I want to see people where they are and accept them there.  I want to be joyful.  I want to be honest, with others and most importantly with myself.  I want to be grateful and to express gratitude more frequently.  I want to act in a manner that draws people in, rather than turning them away.  I want to be loving.  Compassionate.  Kind.  I want to be hopeful.  I want to shine brighter through the darkness.  I want to be.

While it’ll be a journey and a I’ll definitely have setbacks (let’s face it, I’m still snarky), I think it’ll be overall healing.  For myself.  For my students.  For friends and for family.  Who’s in?

October, 2017 – Intention

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Gratitude, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Look at me, being all productive putting this out there only three days into the month.  I just finished assisting the Forrest Yoga Foundation training.  And I have so many takeaways and learnings that I still need to process/put into action.  So this month, I’ll focus on the uptake.  I haven’t necessarily excelled at the uptake; in fact, I may have a slight reputation for going hard/fast to get things accomplished.  Ana pointed this out to me in January of this year to uptake the Beauty, the nourishment, the joy, the healing in yoga poses.  But I’m also taking that off the mat and into life.

So here are some things I’m bringing from last month to this month.  And there will more than likely be pieces of the puzzle added.

I push myself hard, process things quickly as a need to prove myself.  Which is absolutely stupid.  I am the only me on this planet, therefore no one else can or should be on the exact same identical path.  That need to prove comes from a place of seeking validation that I matter.  So I’m going to uptake my own worth, my value, that I am enough.

If you read back through my blog, you know Baxter transitioned last year.  I feel his spirit around me quite frequently.  But apparently, he’s with me even when I don’t feel him.  And his lesson to me – love.  It’s that absolute, authentic love that we all strive to discover.  When Mike died, I very specifically remember saying the phrase “I can never hurt like this again.”  Not knowing at that point the power and magick in those words.  It’s been five years, a lot of therapy, a lot of processing, so much learning, feeling, and so many breaths into my heart, but it’s happening.  The shields have almost all dropped.  My heart that was in a box wants to come out to play and dance.  So I’m uptaking that sensation – wanting to live and to love again.

I have a few more things I’m taking away, but for here/now, this is what I’m feeling this month.  Feel free to uptake along!

August Intention

07 Monday Aug 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Wait.  It’s already August 7?  I have no idea how that happened.  Good news is my intention for this month finally landed completely.  Bad news is it apparently took seven days to do so.

Acceptance.  It’s the word that’s been floating around me for longer than a month and I thought it would come to play in my intention.  I just wasn’t sure how.  There are a few forks in the path toward acceptance but the one I’m working on is for myself.

The question “How do I celebrate these scars that have shaped me?” came up last week.  Wow.  It’s a big one.  Because I’ve got scars.  I’m not talking my appendectomy scar or the time I scraped my shin to the bone.

But the times my heart was broken and then shattered; the trust that was taken away from me by the actions of others; the times I punished myself for not being or not doing; I can keep going.

And I think most of us can.  But what does that serve?  Yep, we all have scars and while we might have wanted to live without the pain, who would we be without them?  I can honestly say I would not be a yoga teacher.  Probably.  I don’t know who I’d be.  And that’s kind of the point.

My month ahead is with the understanding that I can’t change the fact that I have scars.  I can change how I continue to react to them, giving them power over my current life, and work towards becoming that man who no longer sees his own scars but sees his light.

Strength

20 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

I stumbled onto something today literally by accident.  On Instagram.  Today in my therapy session, we talked some about why I fear my destiny, my power, my light.  After the session, I sat with it briefly, and decided to write a post on a photo about that fear.

Because we’re all afraid of something.  I’m not talking clowns, zombies, bears, or bugs.  I’m talking something bigger about ourselves that when it hits, literally freezes us in our steps.  For me, the fears typically manifest in some reminder and I avoid being that version of myself.  I think that fearing something about ourselves is a common thing.

I also think it’s a learned behavior.  I fear my light, because when I let myself shine, others see it and take advantage.  I fear my light because it draws attention to the fact that I’m not perfect.  I fear my power because I don’t understand how it works; and I may never understand how it works.  I fear because I was either hurt by someone in the past or because society at large isn’t sure what to do with me.

And that’s all bullshit.  Imagine seeing how brightly you can shine, and then realizing how you shine even brighter.  Imagine owning your gifts, given by a universe that understood you could handle them, and using them to heal – not only yourself but others.  Imagine not being afraid of who you are.  Because that person is you.

I’m in good company.  Ana Forrest’s book, “Fierce Medicine,” starts with the chapter “Stalk you fear: Turning from prey to predator.”  She also very wisely says we should stop trying to slay the dragons and ally with them.

Which I think I finally get.  From our greatest fears, comes our greatest strengths.  When we begin to realize that our strength can pull us over/through/away from our fear, that is when we truly begin to step into our power.  And I for one am ready to step into my power.  Who’s with me?

Sunday musings, #1

11 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Gratitude, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

It’s Sunday, June 11.  This weekend in DC was the official “Pride Weekend.”  And I missed it.  I went to New Haven, CT to spend time as a student of Ana.  I took morning intensives the past three days and I’m going to be honest – they still have the power to shift me into a different place, much like they did when I went through my Forrest Yoga Foundation training in 2014.

As I sit here and begin to process some of the nuggets she gave me; some of the ceremony Jose inspired me with, I realize – pride is something I haven’t really felt in my life.  See, I was raised in a church going, Bible reading family.  When I really began to realize I was gay, I fought it.  I fought myself.  I shunned myself.  Some would say that a portion of my soul was sent away when I turned away from myself.

And I still struggle.  To be honest, I don’t really approve much of organized religions these days.  Mainly because I know what I went through to get where I am right now.  There are moments I still don’t accept myself.  There are moments I still feel less than fully human.

And that’s bullshit.  I am exactly who I was intended to be.  I’ve survived what I’ve survived not because I’m a “sinner” or have a karmic balance to uphold, but because my light, even on its darkest days, outshines my dark.

I interchange the word pride with acceptance.  Because that’s what we’re all seeking.  It’s not about being proudly gay, or proudly straight, or proudly trans….

It’s about being accepted for who I (you) am (are) in that moment in time.