Category Archives: Life Lessons

Imagine

20 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

There has been quite a bit of turmoil in the world lately.  I really haven’t been able to look away.  And not looking away has been slowly breaking me down and making me want to throw my shields up to hide.  With senseless deaths all over the news, bombings, violence, and absolute disrespect happening everywhere it seems, I’ve begun to take my shielding precautions  without actually shielding myself.

I practiced yesterday with two of my best friends on this planet.  The thought of “how do I/we get my/our spark(s) to outshine the hate?” kept coming up.  I unfortunately don’t have an answer yet.  But I feel it about to happen.  Because I was with both AD and CR in spirit, surrounded by their laughs, their joy, and their hope.  Combine that with mine and we can take on the world.

I had an email discussion with one of my nieces today.  What started quite frankly as two people on opposite sides of the street concluded with two people meeting at the intersection.  Both of us have a sense of dismay for what’s happening around us, neither of us has a straight up answer, but we’re neither one willing to give up hope.

As I did my daily practice today, I’ve been taking advantage of the amazing weather in DC and practicing on my building rooftop.  Today, while sirens were sounding around the city and as I began my sun salutations, John Lennon’s song “Imagine” came on.  It was surreal.  Here I was, in the middle of a city, with city life happening all around, and a song about hope came on my shuffle.

Imagine.  A world where we actually respect each other.  A world where I see you, you see me, and we neither look away.  I’m feeling incredibly saddened by events across the globe but as the saying goes “Think globally, act locally.”  So I shall.  I’m avoiding negative headlined news stories; I won’t click on the stories of violence and hate – this is not to say I’m ignoring, it’s saying I’m sick and fucking tired about reading about them; I’m looking for connections with other people – real, authentic connection.  Where we allow our humanity out and show our true vulnerabilities, also known as being strong.  Who’s with me?

“You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one”  John Lennon.

And, we’re off

15 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

I celebrated my birthday yesterday.  Today was the first or second (depending on the math you subscribe to) day of my 44th year on this planet.  There’s a theme coming up frequently for me in my journaling, in my practice, and in where I feel my path is leading.

Connection.  Actual, human connection.  I’m very much being pulled to being with others and more to avoiding less than direct modes of interacting.  This pull to connection is coming from something greater – I’m seeking community.  To be part of.  And that’s the tough part.

I’ve made a point of isolating myself as a means of protection for a few years.  I’ve very specifically interacted when I felt safe.  But I can’t do just that anymore.  Think to those relationships that you value above and how you feel connected to the person (people).  The power of the phoenix is strong around me now and I take that to mean that I’m about to burn through my old habits of isolation and reach out.  Often.

I don’t know yet what that looks or feels like.  But I know that it brings us all closer.  It will connect me with friends, family, yogis, and other and help me to see the humanity in each of us.  Hopefully our paths will cross frequently.  And hopefully, you’ll take any connection you have with me and connect with someone else.

Community.  Connection.  Compassion.  Three words that are each individually powerful.  But when we combine, how much can we change ourselves?  And the world?

Let it go

06 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Gratitude, Life Lessons, Truth

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

I’ve been quiet this past week, going inside, feeling my feels, and letting others shield me for me.  To catch you up, I had to let go of my best friend and bulldog Baxter one week ago today.  The cancer began to show definite signs it was winning.  He wasn’t suffering, he was growing weaker, and I didn’t want the suffering to begin.  I was able to spend the day with him – loving him, taking his love in, and honoring the amazing dog that he was.  The final moments of his life were filled with love and Beauty.

In his loss, I’ve been working on a really quite difficult version of gratitude – grateful for the years that I had with him and grateful we shared that time, thereby letting him go in love.  It’s hard, I’m not going to lie.  In letting go, we typically want to be selfish and keep that which we cherish near us.  Letting go with gratitude allows us to let go of what we love and hold tight to the memories filled with love.

I had another moment of letting go in gratitude today that reminded me of this work.  I lost a $20 bill.  It fell out of my pocket somewhere between the store and home.  When I realized it wasn’t in my pocket, my first thought was “Well, shit.”

But then I said a prayer.  I asked the Sacred Ones to guide that $20 to someone that needs the money more than I or to someone that is feeling down on their luck and needed a change of tide.  In that moment, with that simple prayer, I let go of Baxter.  I fully gave his amazing spirit over to the universe to use – he was love and his spirit in the plane he reincarnates will be love again.  Giving someone somewhere joy – much like the joy he gave to me.

The sun rose

30 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Breath, Dragon, Life Lessons

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

And I guess it’ll continue to rise.  Grief is a funny emotion – it hits in this odd moments, in these different manners, and at points feels overpowering.  There have been moments today that I’m who I was a week ago – #AYogiAndHisDog.  And then I look at the couch and he’s not there; I go to the bedroom and he’s gone.  I tried to nap today but my napping companion didn’t join me and I couldn’t.

I’ve been in grief before.  I know how it’s done.  I know how it fucks us up.  But I’m also different now.  I know I can breathe.  I understand that the voice in my head making me feel guilty for “grieving wrong” is full of shit and this is my process.  Grief demands that – to honor the process; not to force anything; and to be human.

I taught my 7am class as usual; rushed home to walk Baxter only to remember on my way in that his walk wasn’t necessary.  I broke down completely in my noon class and shared a moment of authenticity with the class – that I didn’t want to teach that class but because of who they are and the power they hold, I was able to make it through.  I thought about filling his empty water dish.  The apartment feels “quiet.”  That statement is a weird one because he wasn’t a loud dog; it’s missing his energy that makes if feel quiet.

The sun set tonight.  It’ll come back up tomorrow.  I offered sage to the Sacred Ones yesterday for him, for me, for healing.  Today, I offered sage to help prevent me from hiding, from shielding.  Tomorrow, I don’t know what the prayer to the Sacred Ones will include but community is something that is coming across strongly right now.

Baxter saved my life.  I’ve said it so many times before.  Now it’s time for me to save my own.  #WhenTheGoingGetsTough #TheToughStartBreathing.

Journal, June 22, 2016

27 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Life Lessons, Truth

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, ,

I’m starting something new to the blogging.  And opening up my journal.  It’s a level of vulnerability I don’t share often.  It’s scary.  Somewhat intimidating.  But as the song goes “…the scariest part is letting go.”

Courage is a frequent vistor in my themes and being vulnerable is one of the biggest ways we can be courageous.  So here I am, being brave.  That’s some scary ass shit right there.

June 22
You know those moments.
You think you’re strong.
But realize you’re not.
I’m in it.  Baxter’s time is dwindling.  He knows.  I know.  I want to run.  I don’t want him to suffer.  I don’t want to say goodbye.
I woke up this morning with his head by mine.  His body next to me.  And I could have stayed there all day.  He’s eating less.  Breathing harder.  I’m crying a lot.  A lot.
I take joy in our 10+ years.  In the memories; the way I’ve laughed; the joy he brought.  I take comfort in the first face he sees in the transition will be Mike.  And for a moment, fleeting at best, we’ll be family still.
He’s been my best friend.  Closest confidant.  I’ve offered him every ounce of protection my dragon can give.  I’ve told the cat to share her magicks.
But now it’s a time of completion.  Of love.  More love.  And so much love.
Mike didn’t give me the chance to say goodbye.  I’ve had months with Baxter.  My goodbye is scattered by the wind to the stars.

#twomenkissing

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

There was another mass murder shooting spree this past weekend.  I’m still trying to figure out how this shit keeps happening.  I’m growing tired.  I’ve grown tired of the same tired arguments being marched out, changing no one’s mind, and status quo remaining the same.  But this shooting – it was different.  The murderer was homophobic, taking out his discomfort with gays at a gay night club.  He saw two men kissing and was pushed to this extreme.  It’s hitting me personally.  While I so far know none of the victims personally, I have friends that did.

The media and politician are currently  rushing to blame a terror group I won’t name here with some out right denying where this violence with a gun happened.  It happened at a gay club.  Filled with hundreds of people invoking their right to happiness.  The gun fire was specifically targeted to one place – a gay bar.  This. Was. A. Hate. Crime.

I’m adding my voice to the chorus shouting the names of the victims.  As a gay male, these strangers are my family.  We are bound over the link of being ostracized, the fear of being disowned, and being told we don’t deserve the same rights as straight allies.  The environment has been ripe for some time for a mass murder of gays.  By a person of <insert the name of any organized religion here> faith.  The LGBTQ community has been consistently targeted, discriminated against, held down, pushed back, punched, kicked, spit on, condemned, etc.  And this gay man has had enough.

Churches and ministers point out “our sin” while forgetting they aren’t the judge.  Bakeries are denying us cake.  CAKE!  Because we’ll ruin marriage.  Side note – I think the around 50 percent divorce rate in this country has fucked marriage up pretty good.  Stores that support LGBTQ rights are hit with campaigns to avoid the store until the store practice of seeing humans as <gasp> humans is changed.  It’s the family member that won’t come to a gay wedding because two men kissing.  The LGBTQ community can still be legally fired in this country for being LGBTQ.  Most in the community have an awareness to surroundings just in case someone decides to get violent or verbally assault us – these things happen daily.

There are over 100 families right now impacted by the events.  Lives changed.  Lives stolen.  My daily intention yesterday was to connect with my spirit.  I did.  And when I did, I felt more human.  So you, reader, take a breath to you heart right now.  Feel the pulse.  In there is your spirit.  Reach out.  And feel the world differently.  Connection.  The one thing every person at Pulse was looking for, not realizing how their lives would be forever intertwined.

Holding space

09 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Bad Yogi, Dragon, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

If you’ve ever taken a class with me, you know the impact Brene Brown has on my day to day interactions. One of the most amazing things she’s spoken about revolves around empathy and holding space. I think holding space for another person is often times when we as a society realize – we are broken. It’s scary. It’s hard. But it’s so rewarding.

My life took a sharp detour in 2012 and one thing I haven’t shared very often publically is that my darkest moments came after the death of my ex. It was only in his death that I realized how much in love with him I still was. And I really needed him to be honored. That revelation shaped much of what I did to honor him. While I wasn’t directly involved in his memorial service, I was the only one involved in the scattering of his ashes.

And I had an ally. My sister “T” was with me on that trip. She and I drove to the location that was calling my name, I told her where to meet me, and walked off alone. We met up on a park bench on the top of a mountain overlooking the ocean. To say I was an emotional wreck is the understatement of the century. I sat next to her. In complete silence. It was amazing. One of us would talk every few minutes but nothing was needed to be said. She understood in those moments that was my memorial. And I understood whatever I said or however I felt, I was safe with her.

Holding space is a theme that pops up frequently in my life. From holding space so a class can begin to work on deeper issues to holding space for friends. And today, the universe gave me the opportunity to hold space for a friend. And I really hope he felt it. My daily intention today was “to feel.” I didn’t’ know what it meant until I saw him. I felt him. I felt me. And bigger than the both of us, I felt human.

We are human. We all go through it. Imagine the darkest of moments you could ever face. And then imagine the hand of a friend reaching through for you. Empathy isn’t saying “yeah, that sucks.” Empathy is showing up, looking another person directly in the eyes and saying “holy shit, we got this.”

To my friend from today – I felt you. I saw you. I really hope you saw me. Our paths have crossed right here and right now. The universe knows what it’s doing. Aho!

Resilience

02 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intentions, Life Lessons, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Skip this paragraph if you’ve read it before – each morning, I wake up; I neti pot; put in my contacts; eat breakfast.  As I listen to the day around me waking up, I go over my day ahead, making a list of what I should do that day.  And I set an intention – what I want/need/should work on in the next 24 hours.  Most days, it makes sense; other days, it takes some patience.

Today, at the end of my morning ceremony, the word “resilience” came to me loud and clear.  I wasn’t sure what it meant but I wrote it down and then started my day.  I felt that word as I taught my morning class and didn’t freak out when a new to me teacher took my class.  I felt that word as a I met a friend for coffee.  While we were talking about what she could do for herself, I realized the word I had wasn’t for me – it was hers.  I shared that.  And when it landed, it LANDED.  It was a moment shared between friends, full of Beauty, love, knowledge, and hope.

I shared the moment during my personal therapy session and it hit me – the word belongs to me as well.  I’m a survivor, like the song says.  While most of the family and friends in my life don’t know my biggest secret (seriously, they don’t.  If you think you know, you probably don’t), they see me as picking myself up.  They see at times I was assisted by others.  Therein lies the magic of being resilient.

It’s not a “go it alone” sort of word.  We become stronger when we all become stronger, not by one person at a time.  We become nicer/more accepting, when we all become nicer/more accepting.  Resilience for me is changing the world by showing the world I’m changed; and helping those in my life do the exact same thing.

Just an update,,,

26 Thursday May 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intentions, Life Lessons, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Not really sexy, huh?  But I’ve been quiet for the past few weeks and I want to let everyone know I’m still here, I’m still teaching, and I’m still loving every second of it.  I think there’s a moment in most everyone’s life when we go inward and stop looking outside.  I took a yoga bodywork training taught by two of my best friends and mentors, along with an amazing cast/crew of yogis, magicians, wolves, unicorns, fairies, and other.

And honestly surprising to me – some big shit came out of me.  I’m still processing it.  It feels so right now that the only way I’ve been able to work through is by looking at me, by feeling me, and by focusing on my own needs.  It sounds selfish but really isn’t.  Imagine if we all think we’re worth it.  Working through crap that holds us back and allows a better version of self to step in.

My spirit has called this the lull before the storm.  I feel strong.  It’s been a weird week with daily intentions set around how I see myself and from that, allow others to see me.  To those that were in Asheville with me – wow, no words.  I’m so humbled to think of the space you held for me.  When you all want some light, let me know.  I’ll gladly shine it your way.  And more specifically, speaking to a few of you — JT, BC, AD, CR, RV, KWV, CT, LR, and to EW — you all saw and felt.  And yet you still held me up.  Hopefully our paths continue to cross and I can be of service to you as well.

There’s another point coming out here – we are human.  Because we care for and connect with others.  Find not only the love but the lightness in everyone you meet.  Change your world by actually interacting with the person in front of you.  There’s a new bad yogi coming.  Focused on helping all of us to heal.  And not caring what we heal from.  #Aho!

My right eye sees it all

15 Sunday May 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intentions, Life Lessons, Truth

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

My right eye started irritating me yesterday.  What I thought started as a piece of dust turned into full blown itching and some pain.  I told a friend about it and she (snarkily?) asked me what my book said about it.  The book in reference is an energetic medical book with too many conditions to count and the energetics behind each.  So far, that book has been spot on accurate for me, her, and a few other friends.

So I looked today at eye ailments and most specifically, the right eye.  And those issues of the right eye deal with how we see the world – namely how we’ve grown frustrated to sad to angry about injustices, cruelty, and the state of humanity.

The book was right again.  I’m deeply saddened by the state of humans and that sadness is turning into anger.  It’s the presidential race where candidates are being disrespectful not to their opponents but to entire segments of the population; it’s friends that talk behind backs in ways that are fitting not even any real housewife; it’s religious individuals taking aim at other religions or people because they are different; and it’s even happening in yoga, where some students and teachers of a certain practice think their way is the only way to samedhi, or bliss.

I’m hoping that by voicing my truth, my eye will ease up on the pain.  And that we can start proudly holding up things we learned as kids – to play nice and with fairness; to hold hands when crossing the street; to laugh from a place of joy and not contempt; and to see other people for who they really are — another human.  Living, breathing.  With each of use looking for our own path to happiness.