Category Archives: Forrest

Why I practice yoga

23 Thursday Mar 2017

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I’m in the middle of a move.  I’d love to be able to snap my fingers, twitch my nose, and be completely done with it.  But I’m not.  I spent yesterday going through things and deciding keep or throw away/donate.  I found in the back of my closet a flannel shirt that belonged to “M.”  There’s a part of me that’s held onto it for reasons like the scene from “Brokeback Mountain.”  After the death of Jack, Ennis keeps a jacket of his in a closet under one of his own shirts and pulls it out missing the man he loved.

I thought that was what I’d do as well.  But to be honest, I haven’t thought much about that shirt for a few years and definitely haven’t been pulling it out.  So I decided to throw it out.  And the waves of sadness, nostalgia, solitude, guilt, anger, and every other grief emotion came up.

I wasn’t sure I would have time to practice but I made time – because yesterday, I needed to get into my body and get back to feeling who I am.  When I got to pigeon on the right side, the tears began to flow.  My right hip is where I carry the strongest attachments to my ex and yesterday they wanted out.  So I let them out.  I cried.  And cried a bit more.  And then sat in silence.  After, I played – because there’s no better way for me to get to my spirit than to play on my hands.

I practice yoga because it continues to save me from myself, from my old patterns, and from those nemesis thoughts.  I practice because I want to stay in feeling and I want to feel from a place of authenticity.  I practice for me.  And there’s no better reason to practice.

Let it go, to let it in

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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I had the chance to go play with (aka ‘assist’) Ana and Jose last month.  Something that Ana said during one of our morning practices has been sitting with me and just over month later, it’s resonating and I feel it.

During our pre-class practice, Ana called me out on my lion’s breaths.  She said that I was moving things away from me effectively, but it was the uptick that I wasn’t doing enough. She told me to lion’s breath again, but that time, feel for my inhale.  Holy. Shit.

I’m really good at seeing what doesn’t serve me and working to eliminate it from my habits, my practice, my life.  But where I’ve been failing has been in how do I replace it?  The inhale, after a really big exhale, is even more important.  Can I bring in sweetness/kindness/hope/strength – the opposite of what I’ve just expelled?

I’ve been playing with this an intent in my practice and in my teaching the past few days.  My practice has already begun to evolve from a “race to get there” to more allowing the pose magick to happen.  I think that there are so many layers under letting in and I’m excited to continue feeling for what they reveal.  Where else in my life can I feel for what I bring in and work to bring in Beauty.

Truth Speak – 02/03/17

03 Friday Feb 2017

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I’m pretty sure we all suffer from them.  And when they hit us, we feel blindsided.  They are our nemesis thoughts.  The asshole critic that lives in our own head.  That never shuts up.  My critic, my nemesis thoughts, get more aggressive, more ugly, more hateful when I ignore them.  They spiral out of control.  They break my spirit.  Dim my light.  I’m sick of them.

Today on my mat, in a practice that I thought would feel good in my body and wouldn’t bring up much of anything, a few of these thoughts came up.  I felt them hit my body full force.  I stopped my practice.  I wasted some time by drinking some tea.  I almost gave up.

But I didn’t.  In a very brief moment, the voice of Ana Forrest snuck in.  She saw me.  And she reminded me that I learned a long time ago that those thoughts are lies.  To jump on a popular hashtag, they are #alternativefacts.

In Forrest Yoga, we teach to an apex pose – it’s the pose in the sequence that we warm the body up for, work on opening and creating space for, and is the “most advanced” pose of class.  My apex today was staying on my mat.  That one brief respite when Ana very much spoke the exact opposite of my nemesis gave me the courage to say those words for myself.  I cried.  And I tried to not cry.  But I cried more.

My apex today was showing up for myself.  Because I’m worth it.  Because my students are worth it.  My teacher is worth it.  My friends/family are worth.  I will continue to show up.  I will have my moments where my nemesis thought is loud, abrasive, ugly.  But someone, in that moment, will sneak into my mind and remind me – the toughest work is often done with another.  And I am not alone.

***I film practices to take pictures from often; I take pictures throughout practice.  This picture is that moment when the thought landed.  When I thought I wasn’t worth ….

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Intention, October ’16

01 Saturday Oct 2016

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It’s time for a new intention.  Well, not that I’m getting rid of the old ones.  That’s the fun thing about working with intents – we can add to them, allow them to evolve, or even re-use the same ones repeatedly.  I’ve been feeling the intention for this month churn inside me for a few weeks now.  With the new moon yesterday, new month today, and rainy weather here today, it feels like the right time to start.

Back story – I’ve been emotionally overwhelmed lately.  News of hate, violence, killings, beatings, etc. is really getting to me.  The level of disrespect is increasing at rates that we may have never felt before.  I’ve noticed my shoulders getting heavier with the weight of all things worldly and I’ve seen the same in bodies of students.  There have been definite moments I’ve wanted to retreat, to hide, to shield, and then to build my fortress.  I did that once.  And I’m still tearing down those walls, so I know that’s not really an option.

This month, I’m working with the word ‘connection.’  Each day, I’m going to go deeper connecting with my own spirit.  Using some lessons from Ana Forrest, I’m going to feed my spirit daily, to delight it, and to feel my own light grow brighter.  And each day, I’m going to connect to the spirit of anyone the universe leads across my path.  I’m going to see people as human.  Not a designer label, not a social class, but an outright human.  And hopefully, whether they feel it or not, their spirit will feel the value my spirit places on them.  And they get to grow brighter too.

While I’m not sure, I feel like actually connecting with myself and with others with true kindness is the beginning lesson we need to change this world.  To heal.  Authentic connection can be the catalyst to change, but as brightly as I know I can shine, I can’t do it alone.  If connecting to your own spirit is new to you, I’m going to give some ideas of how I’ll be connecting.  If you have that but aren’t sure how to connect to others, I’ve got some suggestions.  They’re just suggestions and you’ll figure out what will work for you.  Use this intent, share this intent.  And let’s all shine more.

Connecting to spirit: meditate; dance; sing; yoga; learn something new every day; play a drum; play a flute; play something; laugh; go outside; walk a dog; scratch a cat; feel the earth; look up; read a book; write a journal; write a poem.

Connecting to others: get off the computer; get off Facebook; call; write a letter; meet for coffee; meet for dinner; say hi to a stranger; open a door; say thank you; don’t look away; put phones down; laugh; sing; dance; hug; share a poem; share a song.

Beauty, for the beholder

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

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Today was one of those days for me.  I was in it.  Though I’m not sure what “it” was.  I was irritable, borderline grumpy to pissed off; I couldn’t focus; my motivation was next to none; and I only wanted to hide in my apartment with my dog.  My day on Tuesday’s ends with a Forrest Yoga class that I love to teach but tonight – before heading to teach, I struggled with finding an intention for the class that resonated with me.

I flipped through “Fierce Medicine.”  I listened to Brene Brown.  And still had nothing that felt right.  As I was commuting to class, with my music on shuffle play, the universe started pointing.  Songs about love, one after another, came into the playing field.  I’ve come to understand when the universe talks to stop and listen so I did.  And still, nothing.

When I got to the studio, the pieces of the puzzle started coming together.  I remembered a line in Ana’s book about our hands being the direct connection to our heart.  Brene spoke about when we show our vulnerability, it’s beautiful.  And then,,,,well, then I saw my day.

Baxter wanted a second walk this morning.  While it took me away from other things I could work on and in the moment I was frustrated, it’s little moments with him that I have left that he shows me happiness.  As I was walking to my noon class, a heron flew over me and I was lucky enough to look up this gracefully majestic bird.  I had lunch with an amazing friend, who, in all of her greatness, went even further beyond the call and made Baxter treats.  And me homemade oreos.  My practice tonight was interesting.  I struggled finding a direction for and even gravity surfing couldn’t light up, caused me to be quiet.  Which I don’t do often.  Each of these moments is a reflection of love in my life.  And for having so much love, I am incredibly fortunate.

My learning – the universe shows us Beauty every day.  On our good days.  On our bad days.  And it’s when we choose to see the Beauty, that the day is changed from bad to good.

This is me.

01 Sunday Nov 2015

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Happy November 1!  I’m not really sure where October went but my calendar magically flipped over to the new month.  As the first of the month, I’m setting my monthlong intention and sharing it very publicly for the world to see.

November is going to be a month of introspection.  I’m going to go inside and see who I am – hoping that I like what I see or have the courage to change what I don’t.  I have some pretty big things that in my opinion, are still holding me back from living fully, being the teacher I see in my future, and becoming the guy that I want to date.

I wouldn’t be lying even a little bit when I say – I’m a bit scared.  And already have had thoughts about changing my intent this month.  That would be avoidance.  And if Forrest Yoga has taught me anything, it’s to no be scared to stalk those issues that hold me back but to get curious.

So while I know the root cause of my heart being in a box (another soon to come blog), I have no idea how to start opening that box.  I also hear that jerk of a critic in my head regularly and I want to figure out how to shut him up.  I know I have triggers.  I know I have some avoidance tendencies but I’m putting them in the past.  Hopefully.

This month, it’s about growth.  It’s about seeing my future self.  And owning the fact that he’s already here but my past self keeps shutting him down.  So keep watching this space – I’ll try and be more vocal about what I’m going through, as long as it’s authentic.  Join me in the intent, even if it’s just working on one thing that you want to change.  And let’s see if by November 30, we all make significant strides forward on this hike called life.

Beauty Report, April 7, 2015

07 Tuesday Apr 2015

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I teach a lunch time class at a local gym on Mondays.  I have been so incredibly fortunate to have this class since last September and have grown to know the regulars and their practices.  And I cherish that they put up with me weekly.

My Beauty Report actually occurred yesterday and needs a bit of a back story.  I’m fairly active in various sports – racquetball, dodgeball, softball, and volleyball.  Three weeks ago at the end of season tournament for dodgeball, I strained the tendon on my left hand between my index finger and thumb.  Two weeks ago playing volleyball, I sprained the thumb on my right hand.  This class knew about both injuries.

Cut to yesterday’s class.  As I was talking with students arriving, one student asked the inevitable question – what sports related injury did I have this week?  It was a moment I took in with smile, a nod, and then a story about my new injury (heel of my right foot).

It’s not the injury that’s the Beauty Report.  It’s the interaction, the connection, and the presence of each of us in that moment that is.  We live in this world of texts, tweets,  and other distracting mechanisms.  But my students and I shared five minutes of uninterrupted interaction where we laughed and related with each other.  A lost skill.  But it’s such a powerful skill that when we are touched by it, our hearts light the fuck up.  And that light is so amazingly bright.  Aho.

What’s your costume?

18 Wednesday Mar 2015

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<<<Warning: things may get personal and long>>>

I have had this blog rolling around in my head in some form since last Halloween.  I find the thought of “what’s my costume” interesting, powerful, and scary as hell.  I think we all wear a costume.  The sad fact is often that after time, we fail to realize that we put a costume on daily; I’m definitely guilty of this.

Some costumes appear in the form of shields to protect our heart or our head because of a prior life experience.  Others are actual “costumes” where we make ourselves out to be a bigger or better version of self.  And there are those costumes that camouflage us and try to hide us away from the seeing eyes of people.  We may have one, we may have all three but they all provide us with the idea of safety in ways that actually keep us from stepping into that vision of self that we see.  I very distinctly have all three.  And it’s while playing with the idea of this post that I can identify an example of each – I’m sure I’ve got multiple costumes on various levels but this is what I know to be true.

I shield my heart STRONGLY.  I have been burned badly by a person I loved, to the extent that I’ve been afraid to put myself back into the field completely.  When something starts going well, I practice self-sabotage. I struggle with seeing why I deserve to be happy.  A friend and teacher (AD) can identify each time I’m not connected to my heart and it’s the same damn shield every time.  I can feel it there.  One I think I’ve taken care of but it’s there.

I also project out this version of myself that I think most others want to see, that I want to be, and that makes the most sense in any given moment.  I call this my inflated ego.  Because I want to be brave.  I want to be strong.  I want to be …

The last is actually my hardest.  Another friend and teacher (JT) said the other day how he and I are both afraid of our own fire.  When he said that, the realization fully hit me – I’m hiding my own light from myself because it’s scary as fuck to think about letting it go.

My question to self – and whomever is still reading – is why hide?  Why not be?  I am me, I know I have fire, I know I’m shiny, what scares me the most about taking down all of the costumes?  It’s revealing those parts of me that I still may not like to everyone that I do like.  But that’s my truth – and it’s a daily path I walk.  My intent is to slowly and with my breath, begin to reveal true self to others and stop putting out the costumed version.

I’m a superhero.  I don’t need a secret identity.

We’re all ok…

02 Monday Mar 2015

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I canceled my cable TV subscription last fall and haven’t replaced it.  My initial reason for canceling was because I’d gone for a month during my Forrest Yoga training with no TV and I didn’t miss it.  It helps that I’m saving money by not having that bill anymore.

A side effect of no more TV has been an increased awareness in how I interact with people.  I’m more present.  I listen.  I feel for what they feel.  And my “Real housewife” snarkiness has decreased significantly.  I also notice it much more when others are snarky to people.  I call it “Real housewife” ugliness but it’s a common occurrence on “reality” TV shows.  The characters claim to support other people, to lift them up, but the minute they go behind the back (sometimes it’s to the faces), they turn on their so-called friends.

It’s becoming an epidemic where EVERYONE is beginning to treat friends, family, Facebook acquaintances, etc with decreased respect.  Many of us were raised with the phrase “If you can’t say something nice…” but that phrase is completely forgotten in this day and age of zingers, one liners, and “laughs” at the cost of others.  I’m embarrassed to say I’m guilty of this.  But it’s something I’m working on – daily.

Forrest Yoga and Ana’s “Formula for Change” encourage us to do two key things – heal the hoop of the people and to change those habits that most inhibit us.  We are all the people.  We all need healing in some way and snarky one liners do not heal.  In fact, they often either tear down or create more hostility.  Ask yourself – do you want to contribute to lower self esteem or increased hostility in another?

If you don’t, apply the formula for change – when you catch yourself wanting to say something “funny,” don’t.  And then reward yourself for catching yourself.  I’m doing this in my own life and adding one more component – when I catch myself, I do say something.  Uplifting.  Change the dynamic to heal both yourself and heal another.  Because, at the end of the day, we’re all ok.  And the light in me bows and recognizes the light in you.  So let’s all shine.

Intention, part II

08 Thursday Jan 2015

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This is the unexpected, part II of my New Year’s Intention setting for 2015.  And I may as well be honest – there may be more to come.  Today’s intention was brought to me by a friend, teacher, and fellow dragon Jambo Truong.  He’s set an intention to not complain.  And because I think he enjoys tormenting me, challenged me to do the same.

It scares me for some reason.  I don’t know why.  I think maybe in my current world, with all of my breath and reflective moments, I still take some delight in the miserable.  And how fucked up is that??  Sure, I may “justify” my complaints by saying that I add a huge helping of sarcasm, but at the end of it, they’re still complaints that have the power to bring myself and my listeners down.  Why do that?

Isn’t there enough negative in the world?  Aren’t we all just trying to make due with the best we have?  And what is the power shift if instead of making observations about how cold it is here to change it and instead acknowledge how powerful winter actually is in the scheme of things.  It’s also needed.

So here goes – I’m going to reduce my complaints.  I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to stop cold turkey but I’m going to try.  My technique will be to implement Ana Forrest’s “Formula for Change.”  The two key components are to catch the habit and to breathe.  Go figure.  Breath.  I think it’ll be pretty amazing to feel my energy shift as I breathe into the positive and to let go of the negative.  Because “the cold never bothered me anyway.”