Monthly Archives: February 2017

Let it go, to let it in

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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I had the chance to go play with (aka ‘assist’) Ana and Jose last month.  Something that Ana said during one of our morning practices has been sitting with me and just over month later, it’s resonating and I feel it.

During our pre-class practice, Ana called me out on my lion’s breaths.  She said that I was moving things away from me effectively, but it was the uptick that I wasn’t doing enough. She told me to lion’s breath again, but that time, feel for my inhale.  Holy. Shit.

I’m really good at seeing what doesn’t serve me and working to eliminate it from my habits, my practice, my life.  But where I’ve been failing has been in how do I replace it?  The inhale, after a really big exhale, is even more important.  Can I bring in sweetness/kindness/hope/strength – the opposite of what I’ve just expelled?

I’ve been playing with this an intent in my practice and in my teaching the past few days.  My practice has already begun to evolve from a “race to get there” to more allowing the pose magick to happen.  I think that there are so many layers under letting in and I’m excited to continue feeling for what they reveal.  Where else in my life can I feel for what I bring in and work to bring in Beauty.

Take a good look at me now.

19 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Life Lessons, Truth

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I heard the Phil Collins song “Against all odds” randomly play on my phone this week.  That line – take a good look at me now – resonates with me so strongly.

Five years ago today, I scattered Mike’s ashes.  In a place known only to me, the vicinity known to a few others, I said good bye. His death – and more importantly my reaction to it – initiated every step on my path since then.  Yoga saved me – more specifically Forrest Yoga saved me.  Not many know how dark I went after Mike’s death.  But I went there.  I tried to numb out.  I tried to hide.  But here I am.

Take a look at me now.  I’m different.  I’m stronger.  I like to think I’m wiser.  I’ve stepped into being the dragon that the universe saw me being when I was born.

Take a look at me now.  I’m learning my worth doesn’t come from external forces but it’s something I carry within myself.

Take a look at me now.  My light, and the light I share with those of my choosing, is mine.  End of statement.

Take a good look at me now.  This is my life.  My path.  My magick.  I’m beginning to be more and more unapologetically me.  And that, to me, has so much power.  I’m mending the hoop of my own healing now.  When I work from a place of fulfillment, my students/teachers/friends/family feel it.

Truth Speak – 02/03/17

03 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth, Yoga

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I’m pretty sure we all suffer from them.  And when they hit us, we feel blindsided.  They are our nemesis thoughts.  The asshole critic that lives in our own head.  That never shuts up.  My critic, my nemesis thoughts, get more aggressive, more ugly, more hateful when I ignore them.  They spiral out of control.  They break my spirit.  Dim my light.  I’m sick of them.

Today on my mat, in a practice that I thought would feel good in my body and wouldn’t bring up much of anything, a few of these thoughts came up.  I felt them hit my body full force.  I stopped my practice.  I wasted some time by drinking some tea.  I almost gave up.

But I didn’t.  In a very brief moment, the voice of Ana Forrest snuck in.  She saw me.  And she reminded me that I learned a long time ago that those thoughts are lies.  To jump on a popular hashtag, they are #alternativefacts.

In Forrest Yoga, we teach to an apex pose – it’s the pose in the sequence that we warm the body up for, work on opening and creating space for, and is the “most advanced” pose of class.  My apex today was staying on my mat.  That one brief respite when Ana very much spoke the exact opposite of my nemesis gave me the courage to say those words for myself.  I cried.  And I tried to not cry.  But I cried more.

My apex today was showing up for myself.  Because I’m worth it.  Because my students are worth it.  My teacher is worth it.  My friends/family are worth.  I will continue to show up.  I will have my moments where my nemesis thought is loud, abrasive, ugly.  But someone, in that moment, will sneak into my mind and remind me – the toughest work is often done with another.  And I am not alone.

***I film practices to take pictures from often; I take pictures throughout practice.  This picture is that moment when the thought landed.  When I thought I wasn’t worth ….

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February, 2017

01 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Intention setting, Intentions, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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Welcome to February.  My monthly intentions are still circling, they haven’t landed, but I definitely have some things I want to work with this month.  I’ve also added to my initial intention setting question.  While I feel for “who do I want to be on the last day of the month,” I’ve added a few additional phrases to help me shape my path – How do I become my biggest, my brightest, my best self?

With all of that, the word “healing” is pulling me in.  Healing.  For myself.  My students.  My community.  It can be a scary path – this whole stepping into and out for healing.  But in my core, in my cell tissue, I think we’re all worth it.  I’m a work in progress; so are these intentions.  Feel free to play along, to share your own.  Ask yourself that question.  Biggest.  Brightest.  Best self.

As a yoga teacher and healer, I commit to holding space.  For everyone.  Time on the mat is time to connect more deeply, more authentically with self.  I will honor this for every class, every student.  I will see you and I will not look away.  I want you to see me too.  We are same – human.  And there is much healing to be had from that alone.

I will see myself in all of my brightness, my scars, my hopes, my dark.  I am worth it.  So are you.  How can we honestly say we have come so far if we still refuse to see who we are? We cannot nor should we deny what we’ve come through.  But we should own up – take some pride even – in what we’ve accomplished.

I will act with kindness as my guide.  I will feel more.  And let others know how deeply I feel.  I will stand with everyone energetically – even if I cannot physically.  We stand together, or we pull ourselves apart.  I choose to stand.

I’m feeling pulled to be quiet – observing by seeing, hearing, feeling more.  I don’t know what that really means.  But for me, it’s a time to reflect on how I can give back, how can I be of service.  How can my healing story help yours.  And yours help mine.

We are same.  Human.