Monthly Archives: January 2017

Breathe into your …

26 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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I taught a class this morning.  And I did what I thought at the time was a Freudian slip…as the class was in pigeon, I used the cue “Inhale into the suffering.”  I quickly tried to correct to softening but the class wasn’t convinced.  We had a laugh, moved on with class, and it sat with me.

Because we’ve been taught that we should just pull the boots up and deal with our suffering.  That we should put blinders on and not see the pain.  Because we take (insert drug/drink legal or not here) in efforts to try and smooth the edges.  Why?

Because for what ever reason, we’ve been taught by the powers that be that only positive emotions are to be felt and are to be shared.  Have you ever had a shitty day, downloaded on a close friend/family member, and had the words “get over it” uttered your direction?  We don’t want to see or commiserate with another person’s rough spots.

That though is when we need to be seen and heard the most.  When we are the most vulnerable, we need others.  When we show empathy, we heal a part of ourselves that has been broken.  When we stand together, we realize that we won’t fall apart.

Why I (still) teach, 01/24/17

24 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Gratitude, Life Lessons, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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I’ve had this as a blog post before, but as I said then – I think it’s important for teachers to revisit.  If you’re a teacher reading this blog, your turn.

I teach yoga because I’m still in love with the power of yoga to change lives.  I see it happen every fucking day.  I feel it happen every day in my own life.  There’s the obvious power on the mat, when we suddenly realize our own ability and take strides toward a pose that had previously intimidated.  I have moments off the mat when I’m reminded my breath, my strength, my power, and my worth all start with “my.”

I teach because I’m a student.  I want to learn.  From my teachers.  From my students.  From my friends.  I take every interaction in and process it because I’ve got a hunch – and pretty much always right – that there’s a nugget of wisdom in there.  And I want that wisdom.

But most importantly, I teach for my students.  They are the absolute ultimate reason I get up in the front of the room  Their commitment to being the best versions of themselves on the mat is inspiring; it’s humbling; it challenges me to be better.  Not because I want it.  But because they deserve it.

I got a gift of journals from a student.  As a “bad yogi,” I literally waited until today to open.  Not realizing there was a card inside.  I told you, bad yogi.  Quite frankly, her (BB) card to me reminded me why I teach – connection.  I see her weekly.  More than once most weeks.  And every time I am interested in her life; she (I hope) is interested in mine.  But we see each other.  We don’t look away.  And we support each other for what may lie ahead.

I teach yoga.  It’s my passion.  It’s my calling.  The universe has made it clear my direction.  I teach yoga because every day I want to become a better version of myself.  And I need someone to hold my hand so I won’t drift away.

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Truth Speak — January 16, 2017

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Truth

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Five Years.

His death put me on this path.  His death changed me in ways I never thought could happen.  I went really dark the first few months after.  And in all honesty, some of that darkness remains.  A friend of mine, also my so incredible tarot reader, told me once that we who have the brightest lights are often the ones that come through the darkest dark.

I’m beginning to forget how he said my name.

Guilt.  I couldn’t save him.  Suicide is funny like that.  It leaves the survivors wondering what we could have done differently.  We question the last conversations, those precious last moments.  I’ve broken apart our interactions the final weekend for clues.  As a healer, I failed in healing.  One conversation repeatedly stands out.  He said something.  I felt something.  I called him on it, he laughed.  I shook it off.  Guilt.

This isn’t about him.

This is about me.  He chose to take himself out.  I hate being that blunt about it but he did.  And he didn’t care in that moment to think of someone else.  Anyone else.  Part of my healing has been to call him an asshole daily.  It’s a piece of homework given by my teacher that I do.  And now, more than a year after she gave it, I believe it most days.  There is more healing for me to do.

Starting fresh.

I’m lucky.  At some point, I realized I wanted to thrive.  Not just to live.  I don’t know what or how the catalyst kicked in, but it happened with the pull of Forrest Yoga.  I’m luckier still because the universe – in all its power – and the Sacred Ones – those that have gone before with all of their knowledge – granted me passage.  I don’t know if it was the fire from my dragon that put the spark of survival in me, but it burns brighter.  I’m learning more and more about dragon magick.  And I’m lucky to have another fire creature flying with me – the Phoenix.  New birth.  Fresh starts.  Out of the ashes comes Beauty.

Out of this darkness come the brightest light.

Intentions, 2017

02 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Bad Yogi, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Mending the Hoop, Truth

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Well, it happened.  I think more than other recent years, many of us were ready for 2016 to get the fuck out and the words “overstayed its welcome” may be the message history has for the year.  While it’s important to move forward from the year, we need to also set intentions for the year ahead based on what we’ve learned and how we’ve grown.  I look at 2016 as a year of learning, growth, and major successes.  But it was also a year of sadness, loss, and some struggle.  I am not who I’m going to become without allowing each of those categories to have a purpose in my steps forward.  So if you’re struggling with finding an intention, don’t stress it.  Here are some of mine.  Feel free to use if they resonate.  Feel free to modify to resonate more strongly.  But most importantly, feel your way to the best version of yourself.

I teach Forrest Yoga and I take my “mend the hoop of the people” pledge from Ana very seriously.  Yesterday, while I called on the Four Directions for some inspiration, I felt the call to really step into being a healer – for myself and for others – in the year ahead.  I don’t really know exactly what it means just yet but I do have a few hunches.

I will challenge myself daily to connect with my spirit.  But I’ll use the power of connection to also connect more authentically with students, friends, family.  One of my hunches about helping to heal – primarily myself but others as well – begins with connection.  I want to see Beauty and feel gratitude every day.  And more importantly, I want to help others do the same.

I’ll continue my path of yoga.  I don’t have any specific “yoga goals” this year but I do have a general direction about where I want to take my practice.  And where my practice takes me.  I want to get stronger.  I want to stay more present.  I want to have fun while doing those.

How do I become the best version of myself?  That’s a question I ask daily and this year, I want to live it – every moment, every breath.  Feeling my way to the most powerful version of myself.  And the thought I keep having about this – I’m never going to stop growing.  Who’s in?