If you know me and know my life, you also know I had to put my bulldog Baxter to sleep on June 29. I’m still recovering. And it’s been interesting. I’m still bumping into neighbors in my building or other dogs and owners on the street and having to tell them the news. Each time, I want to run away and hide. But each time, because Baxter was like that, I stay and talk. And we typically share how much power animals have in our lives.
Tonight, I walked through “the park” for maybe the fourth time. “The park” has trees and people and squirrels. I very specifically chose where I live because the park is across the street and it made for an easy way to walk Bax. I’ve been avoiding the park for most days. But I went through it tonight.
And I cried for Baxter. I remembered the last day I had with him; the benches that we sat on; the other dogs we saw. I remembered and felt again the moments that took me into the vets room, the shots administered, and the words I said before he crossed the realms.
I’m here. That’s a victory. When my ex died, Baxter was what got me out of bed. Without him, I’ve not only done it but I’ve also gone to England to do it. Holy shit.
Walking through the park tonight was my apex pose of the day and my win. It was a reminder of my best friend the bulldog; and the future I still have. It was a resounding acknowledgement that I’ve come so incredibly far and I still have a journey to make. I still miss him greatly. But I also know he (and my ex) do not want me dwelling on our past – but stepping into my future.