I’ve been quiet this past week, going inside, feeling my feels, and letting others shield me for me. To catch you up, I had to let go of my best friend and bulldog Baxter one week ago today. The cancer began to show definite signs it was winning. He wasn’t suffering, he was growing weaker, and I didn’t want the suffering to begin. I was able to spend the day with him – loving him, taking his love in, and honoring the amazing dog that he was. The final moments of his life were filled with love and Beauty.
In his loss, I’ve been working on a really quite difficult version of gratitude – grateful for the years that I had with him and grateful we shared that time, thereby letting him go in love. It’s hard, I’m not going to lie. In letting go, we typically want to be selfish and keep that which we cherish near us. Letting go with gratitude allows us to let go of what we love and hold tight to the memories filled with love.
I had another moment of letting go in gratitude today that reminded me of this work. I lost a $20 bill. It fell out of my pocket somewhere between the store and home. When I realized it wasn’t in my pocket, my first thought was “Well, shit.”
But then I said a prayer. I asked the Sacred Ones to guide that $20 to someone that needs the money more than I or to someone that is feeling down on their luck and needed a change of tide. In that moment, with that simple prayer, I let go of Baxter. I fully gave his amazing spirit over to the universe to use – he was love and his spirit in the plane he reincarnates will be love again. Giving someone somewhere joy – much like the joy he gave to me.