Monthly Archives: February 2016

Not alone

22 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest Yoga, Life Lessons, Truth

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Here’s the thing about yoga that often times remains unspoken.  Regardless of the style of yoga, reason for coming to the mat, or how you feel off the mat, we all gain one benefit from a regular yoga practice that is quite remarkable – it’s the sense of community.  Connecting so deeply with one or more people for the time on the mat can be an incredibly powerful gift.  From community, we begin to heal.  And when we heal, we are better able to see, feel, and help others.

I primarily practice Forrest Yoga (no surprise there) and use the intensity of the poses with the power of the breath to help heal from traumas I experienced in my life.  We all experience trauma in some way daily (think of a sudden, loud noise and how your body tenses) and some of those events are life altering.  I’m working on a few right now in my own life and in my own body.

Today, while I practiced alongside three incredible women and awesome friends, one of those traumas decided to show up.  While I will not go into those details here, all three know this issue I’m working through.  I asked a question about my third chakra – power, control – and why would it be acting up in a certain pose.  As ‘AD’ had me breathe into the third with softness, it boiled out.  I broke.  I crumpled.  I lost all control of my own breath.  And cried.

Then I felt a hand on my back.  Guiding me not only to breathe, but to stay in body, to not run from this.  And quickly, all three were there.  Stopping their own practices to lend me their strength when I had none, to give me breath to match with my own, and to most importantly, let me know that I was seen and they were not looking away.

This community, this “Forrest Yoga Tribe” that I’m a part of – it’s perhaps one of the best things I’ve got going in my life right now.  And today was a purely magical reminder to me that I’m strong; but when I’m surrounded by those that love me and want only the best for us all, we’re all even stronger.

(and to AD, MB, and AL – thank you each for being there today and for building a wall of protection around me so that I didn’t have to shield myself.  It’s beyond humbling to know that the power you each possess is on the mat next to me.  Aho!)

Beauty, for the beholder

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by in #nothingforgranted, Beauty Reports, Dragon, Forrest, Forrest Yoga, Gratitude, Intentions, Life Lessons

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Today was one of those days for me.  I was in it.  Though I’m not sure what “it” was.  I was irritable, borderline grumpy to pissed off; I couldn’t focus; my motivation was next to none; and I only wanted to hide in my apartment with my dog.  My day on Tuesday’s ends with a Forrest Yoga class that I love to teach but tonight – before heading to teach, I struggled with finding an intention for the class that resonated with me.

I flipped through “Fierce Medicine.”  I listened to Brene Brown.  And still had nothing that felt right.  As I was commuting to class, with my music on shuffle play, the universe started pointing.  Songs about love, one after another, came into the playing field.  I’ve come to understand when the universe talks to stop and listen so I did.  And still, nothing.

When I got to the studio, the pieces of the puzzle started coming together.  I remembered a line in Ana’s book about our hands being the direct connection to our heart.  Brene spoke about when we show our vulnerability, it’s beautiful.  And then,,,,well, then I saw my day.

Baxter wanted a second walk this morning.  While it took me away from other things I could work on and in the moment I was frustrated, it’s little moments with him that I have left that he shows me happiness.  As I was walking to my noon class, a heron flew over me and I was lucky enough to look up this gracefully majestic bird.  I had lunch with an amazing friend, who, in all of her greatness, went even further beyond the call and made Baxter treats.  And me homemade oreos.  My practice tonight was interesting.  I struggled finding a direction for and even gravity surfing couldn’t light up, caused me to be quiet.  Which I don’t do often.  Each of these moments is a reflection of love in my life.  And for having so much love, I am incredibly fortunate.

My learning – the universe shows us Beauty every day.  On our good days.  On our bad days.  And it’s when we choose to see the Beauty, that the day is changed from bad to good.

Truth Speak, 2

03 Wednesday Feb 2016

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A continuation of me, speaking my truth of what’s happening in my life, on my mat, in my teaching, and other observations.  I’m never sure where my spirit will lead, but it’s leading.  Enjoy.

Death.  It has a funny way of putting things into perspective.  And as I prepare to say goodbye to Baxter, the last death in my life of someone so close keeps popping up.  And I’m already seeing the differences.  With Mike, I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.  I spoke to him and the same night, he was gone.  I didn’t get a chance to grieve him either. Situations as they were, the traumatic nature of his death, sent his family and I into a tailspin.  A month after his death, on a bench at the top of a mountain overlooking the ocean, with one of my sisters in tow, I mourned.  I cried.  I sat in silence.

With Baxter, I’m preparing.  Pretty sure he’s getting sick of me giving him hugs and kisses when I walk past him, scratching his chin, or doing other annoying things that wake him up.  I’m also remembering a few things about life in general, and it’s from this that my truth comes.

Relationships are important.  They. Are. Crucial.  Read those three words again with that emphasis.  We can isolate all day long but if we don’t acknowledge and support other people, then what are we as a species?  As a Forrest Yoga teacher, I’m called upon to do my part to mend the Hoop of the People.  I’ve always taken it seriously but it has a different priority now.  I want to see people, to be seen by people, and to help people see each other.  Not an easy task.

I’m also remembering something about myself.  I have worth.  A lot of worth.  And I think everyone else does too.  I spoke the truth to someone yesterday and that person hasn’t contacted me since – my truth was simply that I deserved honesty.  Because I do.  While I may have lost a friend, I gained strength.  The power of speaking that truth carried me through the day to my evening class.  And I set the intention to find the truth within each of our spirits.

I also ended class with Beauty.  I had the class in a seeing circle.  To look around, silently acknowledge the beautiful practice of their peers, and to then go inside and honor their own as well.  There was power in that moment.  There was unity.  And an unspoken commitment to hold and support each other.  Because we’re human.  We are a species divided.  But it’s time we unite and learn we have so much strength.

Intention – Be strong

01 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in Forrest Yoga, Intention setting, Intentions, Life Lessons

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In January, I began the year with a focused intention – to become the better (dare I say best?) version of myself.  I see in my life, in my practice, and in my teaching many opportunities to really step into who I am and to own it.  Strength for me is a word that keeps popping up and I’m never really sure how it’s defined or why (if) I have it.  But this month, with shit happening in my life, being stronger is the only option I have.

I don’t talk much anymore about the death that started me on this path.  At least, I don’t think I do.  But I think it’s important to note that from that death, the shock of it, the growth from it, and the return to life, I built my strength.  When you lose someone close to you suddenly, the repercussions are felt in everything.  When that death happens with no warning, the feeling of loss is so huge.  But this month, I’m on the verge of another death.  Maybe.  If you keep up with my blog, you know my bulldog Baxter is dying.  I don’t know when it’ll happen.  But it will.  And I somehow have to build up the strength and courage to wake up the day after.

A conversation that has come up a lot in the past few days has revolved around my strength.  Friends and family are concerned.  Baxter is my best friend, my boy, and he holds my heart. But I know I can survive this one and I know I’m stronger than most even realize.  It’s in that strength that stand.  That strength comes with breath and grounding and all of the other amazing things yoga has taught me.

But it also comes for me from friends and family.  I’m inspired to be stronger by those close to me that have PTSD and are learning to cope and fight back from the trauma that caused it; I’m inspired by students with significant health issues that get curious about breath and how they can use it to heal; I gain strength from the students and teachers that let go and just play on the mat, because that spark of joy is a powerful ally; I’m in love with that bulldog, who’s currently snoring away on the couch.  It’s his love that pushed me out of bed a few years ago and it’s his love that I’m taking in as much as I can right now because someday, sooner, maybe later, he won’t be here to love anymore.