I’m currently working on a pretty big issue in my life. After my ex died a few years ago, I did something to protect myself that at the time, made sense. I boxed my heart up and hid it away. Because at that point in my life, I was completely shattered. And at that point in my life, I wasn’t sure how I’d breathe, let alone walk and take steps forward on my path.
Cut to last month in Chicago. I’d forgotten how securely I built the box around my heart. During the Forrest Foundation training, another assistant and I demonstrated a seeing exercise. During the exercise, she quite accurately saw my heart wanting to burst out of the box. After that discovery, I’m working on revealing more of my heart and letting it out of the box entirely. Scary, I know.
Part of that process has been to come at the box with everything I have. And what I can say is that attention, or type of attack, is just building the boxes defenses up even more. Needless to say, that was not my goal. During a Forrest class yesterday, with the focus to breathe into one spot for the entire class, the realization came to me – I’ve been coming at the box with a sledgehammer when it wanted a feather.
One thing that Ana said last month during the training is ringing true. We often attack with everything we have but in reality, just need a bit of compassion. I applied compassion during class yesterday and the result wasn’t shift or opening but a movement toward awareness. It was an interesting day yesterday and today as well – with much introspection and deep breath. I can softly acknowledge that I’m on this path now toward letting my heart out. I’m not sure how long it’ll take but I’m walking it. And trying to allow my heart to lead the way.