Today is my birthday. And in true and odd fashion, I chose to not announce it nor to really celebrate. It’s not that I’m afraid or hate getting older but more as a result of the death of my ex a few years ago, I really haven’t felt like I deserve to be happy again. And that quite frankly is bull shit.
I’m assisting the Forrest Yoga Foundation training right now and the last two days have had a few breakthroughs with that mentality. Yesterday, two of my fellow assistants played a game where I asked “What’s great about me?” and had to listen to their responses. For someone that mentally self-mutilates regularly, this is one of the most painfully awkward things for me to go through. And this morning, Ana Forrest assisted me into “phoenix pose;” an intense heart opener. During the pose, I felt shielding that I’ve had up for years crack, both in the front and the back of my heart. I’m still not sure what all that means but I do know a few things about this as my next trip around the sun starts….
I deserve to be happy. I am worthy of that – and so are you. I’m bright when I shine. I’m funny. I don’t let things stop me and I persevere. I have a story to tell. And most importantly, a life to live. Forrest Yoga and the tribe that I’ve met since I began teaching it have shown me that the voice inside my head is a jerk. So on this next trip around the sun, with shields dropping, I’m working on shutting him up. On embracing my truth. And on giving compassion to myself.