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Today is my birthday.  And in true and odd fashion, I chose to not announce it nor to really celebrate.  It’s not that I’m afraid or hate getting older but more as a result of the death of my ex a few years ago, I really haven’t felt like I deserve to be happy again.  And that quite frankly is bull shit.

I’m assisting the Forrest Yoga Foundation training right now and the last two days have had a few breakthroughs with that mentality.  Yesterday, two of my fellow assistants played a game where I asked “What’s great about me?” and had to listen to their responses.  For someone that mentally self-mutilates regularly, this is one of the most painfully awkward things for me to go through.  And this morning, Ana Forrest assisted me into “phoenix pose;” an intense heart opener.  During the pose, I felt shielding that I’ve had up for years crack, both in the front and the back of my heart.  I’m still not sure what all that means but I do know a few things about this as my next trip around the sun starts….

I deserve to be happy.  I am worthy of that – and so are you.  I’m bright when I shine.  I’m funny.  I don’t let things stop me and I persevere.  I have a story to tell.  And most importantly, a life to live.  Forrest Yoga and the tribe that I’ve met since I began teaching it have shown me that the voice inside my head is a jerk.  So on this next trip around the sun, with shields dropping, I’m working on shutting him up.  On embracing my truth.  And on giving compassion to myself.