I have a voice that prattles on inside my head. This voice speaks to me almost constantly. I can ignore this jerk in my head most of the time, but other times, I cannot and he just keeps talking louder and louder.
When my voice pipes up, he comes after my feelings of self-worth. This jerk prattles on how I am not worthy for __________; how I’m not good enough to _________; or why would I think that I could _________. We can go ahead and fill in the blanks here with anything ranging from love to friendship to yoga and every aspect of my life in between. Every aspect. Because I feel inadequate. Daily.
I think that many, if not most/all, of us deal with the feeling that we are less than someone else or do not have a value of our own. Society places onto us so many definitions of what “success” is – the right body, the right job, lots of money, tons of friends, great vacations, etc. And because many of those are outside of the realm of what’s possible for us, we start this inner dialogue. We then get into this spiral and can’t figure out how to get out.
I was in one of those places this morning. This voice of mine was talking and I would counter with arguments that kept falling short. I was in this dialogue pretty deeply and saw a woman and her dog that live in my neighborhood. Let me point out now that the dog is a service dog and she is deaf and legally blind. She stops at corners and waits until someone can help her cross a busy street. Seeing her from a distance, I wished that someone else would walk up to her first. And I knew the second that wish went out, it would be me that walked up to her first.
Because that’s how the universe works sometimes – when there is a big lesson to be had, there’s a shout to pay attention. So as I walked up to her, I turned my music off, I stopped the discussion in my head, I felt my feet, and started to breathe. I made my presence known, she grabbed my arm and we slowly made our way across the two streets. And in parting, she looked at me and gave me the gift of an amazing smile and head nod. #Beauty.
My moments of doubt leading up to that moment were washed away. Here was one person, who in that one moment, thought I was worth a smile that had the power to carry me through my day and to get the voice out of my head. As I walked the remaining block to my house, I cried; I’m crying now. Because we all have a person that thinks we have value. We have worth.