I keep my power

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Introducing Darin 4.0.  This upgrade to 3.16 has all of the Darin features we’ve grown to love but some new, enhanced skills taking root.

I choose who gets my power; they don’t get to take it from me.

  • This is a big one for me.  I tend to give myself quickly and almost fully to friends and family when they’re in need of help; when they seek connection.  And quite frankly, it can and has worn me out.  This isn’t to say I won’t be there for them when they need me; it’s more saying I’ll hold my ground and take time away if I don’t feel reciprocation in the energy.

I’m working on letting go, so that I can let in more Beauty

  • Another big one.  For me, the lesson isn’t about only offering forgiveness, but stepping into a space of non-attachment for the situation/person.  It’s letting go that event, that moment, so that I can create more space for new moments.

You either get it or you don’t.  And I won’t spend time/energy trying to convince you.

  • This one will be tough.  The world, this country, our people as a whole are completely broken.  We say things on social media attacking others.  We defend individuals for not caring about the greater healing we all need.  And we choose to literally turn away and believe what we want when the world is on fire.  My passions run deep for doing the right thing.  My passions for defending those that cannot defend themselves burn white hot.  But I’ll be choosing where and how to direct that fire.  It’s no longer about changing the minds/thoughts others may have; I want to change hearts.  And I’m definitely starting with my own heart.

We (I) can do better (more)

  • I don’t know what this one means just yet.  But it feels really important.  I don’t know how it works with the others, but like I said, it feels really important.  Step one for me is always feeling the human.  And from there, I don’t know.  Offer kind gestures, words.  Understand that they’ve been hurt/burned/have trauma (more than likely) too.  And to not let my trauma step in and protect me from them.  Because that doesn’t end well for anyone.

Power.  We all have it.  We all get to choose how to use it.  Your turn.

Who do I want to be?

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What a question, huh?  At the end of the day, who I am?  What am I known for?  How do I cultivate that now?

I had a tarot reading today.  I spilled my guts on love, on teaching, on studio stuff.  I joked that I didn’t have a question, but that if I did, it wasn’t yes/no.  The reading was POWERFUL.  My key take away – believe in myself; believe in my magick; change the world.  Easy peezy.

I’ve spend most of my life not really believing in me, not knowing my power, not knowing the why.  The answer has been showing itself repeatedly over the past few months.  But it took today’s reading to shake it to my core.

When I breathe into what came up, I feel really big.  Like, REALLY BIG.  I feel brighter than I’ve ever shown.  And I understand that my flaws are part of my journey – so why should I try and be perfect when the universe knows I’m not.

I’m sitting tonight with a few believers in me when I didn’t think I was worthy.  Code names in effect, but I’m pretty sure they can figure it out.

To the teacher, the mentor, the friend, the brother that’s been with me through lifetimes – I’m so sorry for being a pain in your ass.  You are the best gift that the universe has gifted me.  And while we come from different dragon lineages, we are same in the fundamental dragon spirit – if we don’t love ourselves, we cannot love anyone.  I can’t wait to spend hours laughing about everything with you in person again.  And feeding our spirits in ways that we don’t realize we need.

To the teacher that said words of kindness to me about the integrity and vision I hold for Dragon’s Breath Yoga – I don’t have the words yet.  They have yet to be discovered.  But thank you for “digging my energy” and holding that space in your heart while you explored the world.

To the teacher that said “yes” before I said anything about DBY – I’m proud of you.  So.  Proud.  We change the world when we change ourself. And I’m honored to have served as guide for part of your journey.

To the best friend that wasn’t mean’t to be – we came from differing views.  But at the end of the day we both had a realization that without others, we are nothing.  For quite some time, I’ve called you my best friend.  We aren’t friends,  We are Warrior siblings.  And I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have by my side.

To the student that plots, schemes, attends classes, wants more, asks the hard questions, wants to self improve – quite a few fall into this one.  I see you.  You see me.  It’s a step toward now that we all get to do.

To Baxter, the bulldog I had – I can’t thank you enough for keeping me from not killing myself.  Your daily need for walks, for affection, for play held me on this planet in some really dark moments.

For DC, the cat that chose me – your magick runs through my veins.

And to Beatrix – the current bulldog.  Love isn’t one sided; it doesn’t hold a grudge.  Love is in the amazing uptake of the moment.  While I think you’re growing too fast, I am up-taking EVERY FUCKING MOMENT you crawl into my lap while I meditate and hoping they last that much longer.

 

Pride

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It’s June.  It’s a month to celebrate who we are.

So who am I?  And where/how do I celebrate me?  I’m going to pull the “Strength” Pillar from Forrest Yoga for this one.

I went to ‘Night out at the Nats’ last night and shockingly enough, I’m not sure who won the game.  I saw friends, reconnected with a student, and spent some time chatting with a friend from YEARS ago.

He and I met when we were in completely different places.  Addicts of one or more thing.  And speaking for myself, absolutely denying that I would have a purpose in this life.  Cut to the present.  He’s discovered a passion in a sport, created a league around that sport, and is working toward more competitions.

I’ve found my path and my purpose on the mat and in teaching others.  I’ve discovered the depths of healing are deep and limitless.

There was a moment with him last night that felt like this – two former addicts, each of whom has fought their way out of hell, acknowledging how far we’ve come, but how treacherous the path still could be.

I woke this morning holding that – it’s strength.  It’s will power.  I woke understanding that some days, it takes just getting out of bed; others it takes looking the world square in the face, lowering a shoulder, and going in.  Most days, it’s just getting up and moving fortunately.  But on those challenging days, I take pride in knowing that I’ve come through, will continue to come through, and my worth is written in the stars.

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Bad Yogi note – I don’t really speak to my addictions much.  That may or may not change. But if you are currently struggling with addiction, are fresh off any and need someone to speak to: 1) find a therapist/group; 2) build a support network among friends/family; 3) know this bad yogi is pulling for you.

Hold my heart

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Today was one of those really fascinating days.

I woke; played/walked Beatrix; meditated; practiced; taught; lead a Four Directions Ceremony; came home and hung out.  And it STORMED here earlier.

It was one of those storms that you feel it change the atmosphere.  There was wind, lightning, thunder, rain, and hail. Oddly, that’s how I felt internally during the storm.  It was quite fitting.

I’m sitting with a truth in how I want to be around other people.  And canceled a date because I didn’t want to drink alcohol to get my nerves up.  I don’t really put myself out there to date often for reasons too many to list here, but tonight I thought I would.  I told a friend about it earlier today, she asked if I was excited, and I was.

And then my head started hurting out of the blue.  Intensely hurting.  When my body speaks up loudly like that, I tend to listen.  And it drilled down to the alcohol.  I drink.  Not out of control.  But I am moving toward sober living.  I’ve been chatting with this guy for a few weeks and didn’t want to say anything about alcohol – or lack thereof.  It also felt that if I needed the “nerves” to be gone, tonight probably wasn’t a good idea.

I canceled.  My head started to find relief.  I’m working on the truth in this – if I don’t choose to hold my heart, no one will.  Everything is pointing that it’s beyond time for my whole body to leap into the dating pool.  But apparently some days, if only the toes are going in, and to go further I need a nudge, I don’t want to go in.

Tonight, before sleep, I sitting with Bea, holding her sacred, letting her show me mine.

June, ’19 Intention

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It’s been entirely too long since I’ve written.  I’d really like to work on that.  I’m taking a “public reset” of sorts though and committing to sharing my journey through the month of June here.  Before I share what I’m working on, a quick catch up.

  • I bought a yoga studio in DC last year – Dragon’s Breath Yoga is located in Columbia Heights and it’s been amazing!
  • I adopted a bulldog puppy in April – Beatrix.  She’s amazing.

Enough of that.

I’m bringing back an old intention or two.  Who do I want to be on June 30?  And the better question, HOW do I want to be?  It’s the how I’m working on – and I think the who will fall into place on its own.

I want to be kinder, both to myself and to others.  I want to discover more about what love is to me and to others.  I want to build community in ways that create space for everyone, challenge each of us to break out of our old patterns, and help us each to step into our own greatness.

I’m questing for healing – myself, my friends, my community – and part of that quest is to dive deeper into those areas I’m still broken, lost, confused, detached.  I’m also going to attempt to blog about my adventures here daily and share videos on Instagram daily (@badyogidc) as well.  If there’s a topic you want my two cents on, let me know.

D

Miss me much?

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It is March 18.  Spring around DC is starting to happen.  And I thought I’d stop, drop, and blog about where I am, what I’m doing, and what I’m working on.

I’m still in DC and Dragon’s Breath Yoga is feeling the wind in the wings.  It’s been six months since I bought and I’ve changed so many times it’s crazy.  But it’s been an amazing time!  I can’t wait for what lies ahead.

As for what I’m working on, I’m working with more softness.  And I’m giving myself a lot more time to feel myself without stepping into analyze mode.

More to come, but wanted to say hi.  :*

I’m back

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It’s been entirely too long.  I need to get back to writing.  So much has changed, shifted, altered, and is growing in my life right now.

But here’s where I’m at today and why the title is “I’m back.”  It’s not titled that because I’m blogging again; it’s that title because I’m realizing who it is I am meant to be, what I’m meant to do, and am growing greater understanding of the obstacles (many are thrown by myself) in my path.

I’ve had a few weeks where my body was pushing back, giving headaches and stomach issues, and quite frankly shutting down.  I’ve known at some point that the message would come through, just wondered when it would be.

Today it is.  I wished a friend a happy birthday on the book of faces.  She and I mentored together a few years ago.  And I had this flashback to how I felt when I met her – she had a much more established yoga practice, had artistic talent beyond belief, and felt that I would never “be at that level” in anything.  I call bullshit on my shit.

Because she is who she is – amazing, talented, passionate.  And I am who I am.  She and I will walk through this life as friends, with hopeful physical path crossings increasing.  But we each bring something this planet needs.

I’m passionate about teaching.  I can’t wait to show how far Dragon’s Breath Yoga can fly (if you missed it, I bought a studio.  Check it out here).  I bring compassion.  The drive to become better for myself.  A hunger for healing.  I have the heart, the eyes, and the voice of a dragon.  And I have wings.  They are my own.  And they love catching the wind.

Why I (still) teach

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It’s kind of funny.  I haven’t thought much about why I teach yoga lately and then, in the past few days, I’ve been shown so many reminders of the power in sharing this passion.

I teach because it is my passion.  I have frequently thought that I need to expand my knowledge of yogic texts and still want to explore them, my passion for yoga comes through the power in the asana practice. I feel this practice – and that may sound corny and standard, but the more I teach and practice, the more I begin to realize how kinesthetic I am.  In my practice, I play with small movements, little changes, different muscle activations to feel them in my body.  When I teach, I’ve been catching myself “doing the cue” before giving it to students so that my words give them what to chase/experience.

I teach for connection.  It’s a basic human need that is often overlooked.  We crave authentic connections with other people.  We crave growth.  We want to share out paths. Just this past weekend, I had a student come to one of my classes.  When I introduced myself, he said that he had taken my class before.  As we dove into when/where, it was over two years ago at a gym that is no longer on my schedule.  He took one class; he remembered that one class; he remembered me.  Now, he’s decided he needs to supplement his life with yoga; he tracked me down.  It’s a humbling feeling but it’s a really great feeling to have a student seek me out because of one class two years ago.

As a teacher, I want to challenge my students to become their best selves – both on and off the mat.  I’m inspired by students new to the practice that try an arm balance or inversion; by students that acknowledge how the practice has taught them to breathe and to feel themselves; by students that work through their shadows to find their light; and by other teachers that challenge me to “step up my game” on a regular basis to give students more opportunity to grow.

I teach because I practice every day.  And my daily practice, regardless of what it is, belongs completely to me.  I’m selfish with this time.  But I want students to be selfish with their time on the mat too. That’s where and how strength, integrity, breath, spirit, and going deeper turn us on to becoming our best self.

We get on the mat.  We breathe.  We make shapes.  From there, we allow the magick to happen.

I’ve been quiet…

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Wow, I didn’t really think it’d been this long since I posted.  It’s been an insanely amazing year and I’m still in cocoon/processing mode.  Here’s a quick snapshot update:

I’ve been to Bali, Seattle, and Ft Worth.  After the Bali training, I completed my “Guardian in Training” and became a full on Guardian.  I honestly need to sit with this and take it in fully for myself.  I’ve been quiet and isolating myself because energetically, it’s what I felt I needed; I’m watching the world and while I haven’t put my energy directly toward current events, I’ve seen.

I’ve long held the belief that actions speak louder than words; expect more of both from me in the upcoming months.

D

Intentions, 2018

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I sit here a week into the New Year and I haven’t really crafted my intentions for the year ahead.  It’s usually something that I’m really good at doing, being aware of, and taking the time to sit with.

This year feels different.  Who I want to be, how I want to be are bigger questions that one year alone cannot hold.  I’ve said it more times than I could count, but life is a journey and it’s not necessarily the destination that matters, but the lessons we learn along the way that shape us.

Who am I?  I feel like this question is still open.  Some days, I’m a warrior.  Some, I’m a dragon.  Others, I feel the pull of the phoenix or the crow more powerfully.  And some, I’m a quiet observer (which quite frankly is a dragon as well).  Each of these days and moments within the days define me, they shape me.

How am I is a question that has a different resonance.  I want to be kind.  I am strong.  I hope to be compassionate – to others as well as myself.  I try and live in the present, though that’s a lot harder some days.  I am seen and I’m slowly revealing more of my light and my true power.

We are variable.  We change.  The world changes.  We change again.  I think it’s the “how am I?” question the most shapes the person we become.